5 Days of Rock bottomness

Hitting Rock Bottom

The headache from my hangover burned through my deep sleep. I was laying on my face on a couch in the dressing room. I recognized the room as the one My Chem had used for the show the night before. I used my sore arms to push me up into a sitting position. That was a mistake. I instantly got dizzy and was just able to grab on to a nearby trash can before loosing the contents of my stomach. It was then that I looked up and realized that the dressing room had been abandoned. The guys knew how I got on a hangover. They had probably returned to the tour bus. I located my cell phone from my back pocket. and flipped it open to check the time. 4 am. 

       

         I dragged myself back to the couch. I could hear in my head the conversations I would be forced to listen to later. My brother, Mikey, would be so disappointed that I had fallen back into depression. No, not disappointed for that. He would be disappointed that I had fallen back into my ...habits. I smoke, I drink, I take huge amounts of pills, I even have a new one. That I was even more afraid to talk about. I had been doing cocaine. Nobody knew about that one. I didn't want to tell anybody. I was already too ashamed of everything else.

        I have a problem.

        I know I have a problem. I felt the tears start to run down my face. I wanted it to stop! I want to be me again! I want to be the Gerard that my friends want to be around! 

I puke again as the tears still run down my face. Then I curl up into a ball on the couch and pull my knees to my chest. The tears start to subside. I check the time again. 5 am. 

I didn't want to wait any longer. I go to my contacts and find the number I want. I hit the talk button and wait while it rings. It takes a long time for Brian, our manager, to pick up.

"What the Fuck, Gerard! It's 5 am!"

"Um, I n-needed to t-talk to you,Brian. I have a problem. I know you've been trying to get me to realize that and now I believe you." I started crying again.

"Gerard, calm down, we're going to get you through this. Just calm down and explain to me what changed." 

"I-I just don't know anything anymore! I don't know why I feel sad and worthless all the time. I just don't know. It's eating away at me. I can't do this anymore. Im drowning myself in alcohol and pills! The guys are so disappointed in me, they don't even want to be around me anymore! I want to stop, Brian, but I can't! What am I going to do?!"

Brian new that Gerard had been depressed since before the band started. He had been able to get out of it at least for a while but now its back. They had all seen it coming. Mikey, Ray and Frank had been keeping Brian informed on Gerard's state of mind; it wasn't good. They knew he was hiding something else as well. He would just disappear at times and come back a few hours later looking and acting quite a bit different than he had before.

"Gerard, just calm down and breath. Ok? I know you've been turning to alcohol and pills to drown out the lack of feeling. Here's what I want you to do. When you hang up, go to your tour bus, take a shower, and go to bed. Don't take any pills, don't wake anybody up, you need some time to calm down. Just go to sleep and when you wake up, tell your friends about your addiction. They just want to hear it from you. They already know what your going through. Alright?" 

"I don't want to tell them, Brian. I don't want them to hate me." I was still crying. I hadn't told Brian about my Cocaine problem yet. 

"They will never hate you Gerard, they have gotten you through depression once, they can do it again."

"I'll try but I don't think I can do it."

"Just try. Call me again tomorrow at the same time. Try to stay sober. Goodbye Gerard."

"Bye" I said at almost a whisper before hanging up the phone. I was shaking. Slowly I got up and walked hunched over across the parking lot, toward the bus. It took me about 10 minutes at my slow pace. I climbed the steps to the sound of my friends snoring, making my way to the bathroom. Everybody stayed asleep. I turned on the shower, the water was cold. What did I expect from a bus water heater? I showered quickly, then dressed and got into my bunk. I didn't have any trouble falling asleep. 

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This is my first fan fiction. Sorry if it sucks! I like feedback if you have any!