tell me, am i being foolish?
to trust your words
to trust your reason
i hope at the end of the line, you stay true to what you've said
i feel you slipping away from my grasp
i feel how tired you are
i know how you no longer express your love
you can no longer say
those three words
with the same passion
the same vigour
does it no longer mean anything to you?
have you become so numb?
has it drowned out your love for me?
has the love fizzled away as if it never existed?
you tell me that you have no control over it
you claim that if it had been your choice,
you'd choose to continue
that you'd express your love in bounties
the cup overflowing
you say that of course you love me
that i am the one you want in the end
that you prepare for that time
that you are doing this for me
it should be no question
how insane i must sound
hoping that the results will be different
the second time around
waiting around for someone who hides
how they truly feel.
it's almost as if a veil lays over your eyes
as if you conceal your energy
it is no question that you are a man of secrets
but there was a time when those eyes were filled with love and light.
i know that it's not your fault.
however, like fuel to a fire
your indifferent facade
it makes my anxiety grow like a wildfire
burning through the trust i once fully had in you
we are truly different.
it's been made clear on how we've approached
this obstacle
i confront it directly
you wait patiently for a better time, better conditions
i have no other choice but to confront our separation directly
no matter what i'm doing
it seeps through my mind like a poison
flowing through the streams of my memories
your words replay in my head like a record
it haunts me
this separation keeps me up at night
worrying about every little thing you say
analyzing
as if it would make things better
i suppose i'm exhausting myself
i try to control it
but my mind is a monster that cannot be tamed
believe me, i've tried
but this growing separation is truly terrifying me
soon, you will be too busy to talk to me
i worry that you'll easily forget me
while i wait for your arrival
while i hope for your ace of cups
your lack of expression has me worry that i am easily forgettable
you claim that i am special
someone dear to you
that you love me
yet you fail to show that
at least in a language i understand
i see your efforts here and there
i see the old you slip through the stoic barrier you've created
the one that smiled warmly
and gazed at me with loving eyes
the one that made me feel
like i didn't have to perform
to be loved
yet, i guess old habits die hard
i find myself performing again
i worry that i'll burden you
when your shoulders are already full
with the weight of the world
i hope with all my heart
that you are true to your word
you claim that you want to come back
you just aren't ready
i'll always love you and always be here
i just hope i can fight my instincts for that long
i hope that your love will endure
as you've claimed it will
i hope that this is merely a bump
in the road that will lead
to a blissful eternity
with you
i can only hope
that when we will return to each other
our bond will be so strong
that nothing
not even our trauma or self sabotaging tendencies
can break it
we will unite
the passion will return
we'll be happier together than we ever thought we could be
i'll experience again your loving eyes
your kind touch
your gentle expressions of love for me
we'll make more memories filled with love
more promises we'll keep
it tortures me that time is the only one who can answer the questions i seek
i seek stability in a world that is ever changing
and genuine love in world full of facades
i had found that in you
i pray that never changes
love is a difficult art indeed
