Eyes Closed in the Fall (Trip & Fall Series #1)

Chapter 26

Arc 2: Endless Fall

----

Chapter 26: Careful

I didn't want to go home.

Kung pu-p'wede lang ay nanatili na lang sana ako sa dorm ko. Pero ayoko rin namang paigtingin ang tensyon sa pagitan naming dalawa ni Mommy.

Isa pa, I didn't have any people whom I could call aunt and uncle nor do I have any cousins to talk to. Kami na lang nina Aling Flor magkakasama tuwing pasko. If I were to not attend, I'd be leaving Aling Flor to deal with damage control.

A puff of wind swept across my cheek as I lifted June, the scent of his Jo Malone perfume wafting through my nose. Limang oras bago ang flight nila papuntang New Zealand ay pumunta si Tristan sa dorm. Nag-iimpake ako ng mga damit at iba ko pang kagamitan no'n dahil sa Baguio ako sa kabuuan ng Christmas break nang tinawag ako ni Manang Bea.

Pinatuloy ko siya sa k'warto at agad na tinanong kung bakit siya napabisita. He didn't answer me then, just smiled sheepishly. Tinulungan niya 'ko sa pag-aayos ng mga gamit ko, at nang tapos na kami'y saka niya lang sinabi ang dahilan niya kung ba't siya napagawi—he wanted to lend me his perfume, instructing me to spray it all over June just so I could feel his presence while he was oceans away.

In exchange, binigay ko rin sa kanya ang isang bote ng juicy cologne ko.

I placed June down on the swivel chair right in front of my desk and went back to the side of the bed to change the sheets and pillowcases—more chore before my general cleaning for this time was done.

No'ng wala ako'y hindi nagkulang si Aling Flor sa paglilinis, bago pa man mabuo ang alikabok hawak-hawak niya na ang walis. Pag-uwi ko'y mabuti naman ang kalagayan ng kwarto ko. Ako lang 'tong tila hindi mapakali. Oras-oras ay dapat may ginagawa ako dahil kung wala, susunggaban na naman ako ng mga palaisipan ko, especially at this time when my mother was just a staircase away from me.

Clearly, our house was much bigger than my dorm, where the living room, kitchen, and the bedroom were all crammed into one space, circumscribing my liberty to move around more comfortably. Pero iba na ang impresyon sa 'kin—more space meant more room to suffocate.

Inobserbahan ko ang mga handang nasa mesa. Lahat ng basic pasta recipe na maaari mong mapangalanan ay naroon. Ang lechon at ang inihaw na manok ay nakahati na, nakalagay sa malaking bandeha at naka-display sa gitna. Nakapalibot do'n ay mga samu't-saring kakaning nakahain sa bilao, ang dami nito'y tinatalo ang mga pagkaing nabanggit ko.

With my back positioned perpendicularly against the chair, I laid my palm over the hind of my right, fingers stiff and unmoving. Knots formed inside its muscles, giving off a feeling as though my bones were about to protrude from my skin at any given time. But even so, I couldn't find the courage in me to even lift one of them.

Just as I predicted, tumayo na si Mommy, carrying a half-empty wine glass as she sauntered the route leading to the backyard.

Aling Flor gave me an apologetic smile. Sinandukan niya 'ko ng kanin at kinunan na rin ng mga ulam at mga paborito kong panghimagas. "Maligayang pasko, Amellia. Pakabusog ka, ha? Pagkatapos nito magbubukas tayo ng regalo."

Someone who has a similar situation with us but holds more value towards family would most likely make the best that they could out of the moment, using scraps of tenderness to build—albeit clumsily—a shelter of mellowness just to get by with the occasion.

In our case, I could feel that the sentimentality was there, just lacking the effort.

Pupunta pa sana si Aling Flor sa p'westo ni Mommy para ligpitin ang walang bawas na pinggan nang pinigilan ko siya. Mimicking the expression that she gave me, I said, "Kain na tayo, Aling Flor. Ako na mamaya ang magliligpit. You don't have to clean up her mess for her."