Bad Friend

33. Action

this is the second part of a double update. make sure you read 32 first!

"Are you sure you're okay?"

Harry and I were sitting outside on one of his patio couches. We were huddled up in blankets, and my cheek was against his chest as his hand ran through my hair. Anisha was long gone, having taken my car to San Diego after the three of us had dinner. That Harry made. I was surprised that Anisha left with the way she had stars in her eyes as he put a plate down in front of her. She kept looking at him like she couldn't quite believe he was there in front of her, that she was sitting at his table and eating food he prepared for her.

Harry had begun to take notice of her stares too. How could he not? I hadn't spoken very much since we got back to his house, and every time he asked Anisha a question, she stuttered an answer. I didn't blame Anisha, but I also felt bad for Harry because I could tell he was starting to feel slightly uncomfortable. So I ignored the emptiness I felt and tried to start conversations, acting as a kind of go-between for Anisha and Harry.

Things were better after that, and by the time she was leaving I think Anisha had really started to feel comfortable around Harry. He had offered her the guest room, but she didn't take it. "I have midterms coming up, and my friends and I are studying this weekend," she said, though it looked like it killed her to say it.

I think Harry was a little relieved that she declined. Not because he didn't like Anisha, but I could tell he'd picked up on my silence and feigned friendliness as the night progressed, and he wanted us to be alone so we could talk. When Anisha finally did leave, he took me outside so we could watch the sunset together. It was so peaceful, I wanted to drift away, to sink into the earth like the sun and not appear for the next twelve hours. But I knew I couldn't do that, no matter how much I wanted to.

"Yeah...Yeah I'm okay," I said, thankful for how we snuggled up together so I wouldn't have to look him in the eye. "I'm just glad you were there."

"Me too."

Harry's voice was kind and gentle, but there was something else too. He was holding back. Shifting so I could prop myself up and look at him, I asked, "What is it?"

"What?"

"What aren't you saying?" I urged, trying not to frown. It was obvious he had an opinion that he wasn't sharing.

"Nothing, I'm just...I'm worried what will happen when I'm not there," he said. He paused for a moment, his hand cupping my cheek affectionately. "Gwen, have you ever thought of, you know..."

"Thought of what?"

Harry played with his bottom lip, suddenly tense next to me. The silence between us was slowly becoming uncomfortable. I was ready to hit his shoulder and tell him to spit it out when he finally said, "Have you ever thought of seeing someone?"

I grinned a little, not really sure why he was acting so strange. "H, I'm literally seeing you. We've been dating for almost ten months."

"No, not like that," he said with a roll of his eyes. "I'm trying to suggest that you see a therapist, Gwen."

I'd been trying to tease because Harry seemed so nervous all of a sudden, but the second the word "therapist" left his lips, my smile winked out of existence.

Therapy? Keira had tried to bring it up years ago and I'd refused, and I still felt the same way. I didn't need to pay for someone to tell me what I already knew, which was that I missed my dad, simple as that. People grieved, that's a normal thing for people to do; grief didn't make me different than anyone else. I just dealt with it and went about my day.