Moony summons 852 with a séance and Sirius helps out cause he's always wanted to perform a séance. 852 gets summoned but thinks its professor Snapey summoning him and then when it's Remus 852 gets upset and strangles Remus but Sirius will not stand there and watch his husband get strangled so he grabs one of the wolf pups and it bites 852 so 852 lets go but it's too late. Sirius gets upset and decides to kill professor snake in front of 852. So Padfoot runs to Hogwarts and grabs Snivellus and drags him by his luxurious, greasy weave all the way back to his house and kills him while 852 watches but this doesn't go as plan because 852 is happy that Snapey was killed because that means they can be together forever. Paddy gives up his revenge plan and agrees with 852 that being dead is better so you can still look young and hot as well as be with your soulmate forever so he kills himself and grows angel wings and flies up to heaven but when he gets there he discovers Remus is in hell because his favourite brand of chocolate supported house elf violence, animal cruelty, homophobia, racism and transphobia. That brand of chocolate... was called... JK chocolate rolls. Remus was then disowned by everyone and was cancelled. He then, with his persuasive skills, convinced everyone he didn't know about the house elf cruelty and they let him into heaven. But Remus still had beef with 852 for strangling him...
and although Remy Remus poo was in hell, at least Satan was hot so he gave him a lap dance and convinced him to let him go to heaven so he could play a prank on Jesus. he runs off and stays in heaven then 852 is not happy for Remus' success so he unalives so he can get revenge from heaven. but 852 isn't really good due to the murders but most importantly cause he kicked an elf once cause they wouldn't let him make a withdrawal from his empty bank account due to the intense alcohol problem he has so he goes to hell and doms Satan into letting him go visit heaven. At heaven rem boy and wolf guy Sirius is rejoicing until they see their old sock friend. Then before the battle of sock and wolf begins, god pops out, everyone gasps when they realise god is Salma's child, Salco. Salco tells everyone that they are secret lovers with Satan and all the dead guys are shocked. then it's revealed all along..852 truly was soulmates with Salco...
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