My Italian Nightmare

Chapter 13: The Pass

Thursday, 7th of October 2021

My anxiety that kicked in that day after I woke up very early was unbearable. I thought I was going to be sick and rolled around in my bed, trying to get the feeling out of my stomach. But I knew that nothing would help it, except trying to distract myself. I took a long and hot shower listening to Billie Eilish, which was usually soothing to me, but I wasn't even in the mood to sing along this morning. After I got dressed I made myself a tea and checked my phone, avoiding Instagram or Twitter because I knew those were going to be flooded with pictures of them. Freyja was not home and I supposed she stayed the night with Nick. They met up last night and it seemed like the date went very well. I turned on the radio because the silence made me even more anxious and listened to some nice soothing pop.
"Und heute abend im SO36 werden wir etwas ganz besonderes erleben", said the moderator and I choked on my tea.
"Ja, Berliner Fans der italienischen Rockband Mezzanotte haben heute Abend die Ehre ihre neue Single als erste zu hören. Die Karten wurden verlost und nur wenige glückliche Fans...." I turned down the volume and put my head into my hands. So much for distraction. I thought back to the day were I had told Freyja and Hanna everything about that first night and how I had thought that I would not see him until our next concert in February.

You're ungrateful as fuck, you know?

I sighed and shook my head. I know I should be happy that Cecile won those tickets for the pre-listening party and asked me to go with her. And I was, I still loved the band obviously. I just...I didn't think about how I would navigate being a fan of the band after I have had this experience with Angelo. Suddenly my phone vibrated and showed me a text from Cecile: "Will you come to uni today or what?" I groaned and checked the time. Yes I had indeed planned to go uni today, at least to one of my courses. But me contemplating about Mezzanotte had once again cost me my precious time. I emptied my mug and hurried out of our flat.
"Oh god sweetie you are pale as a ghost!", Cecile greeted me when I entered the cafeteria and I smiled at her crookedly.
"Don't know what you're talking about, I've never felt better in my life", I said flatly and slouched down on a chair.
"Maybe you should think about taking Xanax against your anxiety", Cecile said half-serious and I laughed dryly. As if I didn't do that already. I actually had some pills against anxiety, but I didn't like to take them regularly because they gave me brain fog and made me very tired.
"Well, what do you reckon will happen tonight?", Cecile asked eagerly and took a sip from her coffee.
"We're gonna see Mezzanotte performing their new single, hopefully have a lot of fun and get pissed?"
"Ariii", Cecile sighed and rolled her eyes. "Also, I don't think we should be drunk for this? I want to process this with my sober mind." I don't, I thought but didn't say it out loud.
"I was talking about if you think that we'll meet them, and if you think they'll recognize you?" I shrugged and look out of the window, where I saw students walking around, chatting and laughing.
"Cece I told you, I don't think they will. They meet thousands of fans and Angelo probably sleeps with hundreds of them." Cecile tutted and shook her head. "I can't imagine he'd do that – well I can imagine he'd want to, but it's too dangerous. They are on display so much, everyone would know sooner or later, because some idiot would post about it."
"I guess", I said and stopped looking out of the window, letting my eyes wander over the people in the cafeteria.
"Oh shit", I said and cast down my eyes.
"What?", Cecile asked and turned her head around quickly.
"Ah fucking hell", she cursed and knitted her brows. Luca was sitting a couple tables away from us, typing on his notebook, headphones in his ears.
"Ari, I could kick his ass right now if you–"
"No Cece, it's okay. I can handle him." As if my mood couldn't get any worse. I took a deep breath and tried to calm down once again. My stomach cramped together and my chest felt so tight that I was afraid I would just get a heart attack any minute now.
"I'll go to my seminar now, will you come over to do my make up later?", I asked Cecile and forced myself to smile.
"Of course, Ari." Cecile smiled and waved me goodbye when I stood up and left the cafeteria. At least Luca wasn't in the seminar I was about to go to.