My Italian Nightmare

Chapter 34: Empty Eyes

Friday, 5th of November

I had decided to not tell anyone about the strange call I received from Angelo. I didn't know what good it would do, on the contrary I suspected it to further aggravate the conflict between Angelo, the band and myself. So I kept quiet and acted like nothing had happened. It took me a while to fall back asleep and when Edoardo woke me up the next day, I didn't feel exactly refreshed. More than anything I wish I could talk to Freyja about all of this. Because of the time difference and how busy my schedule had been since I arrived in LA, we haven't had a chance to properly talk yet. I didn't want to just text her how things had developed in the past couple days, because it felt too...surreal. At the same time I felt bad to hold back the information and I was sure she would absolutely lose her mind if she knew about the events that had taken place since I left Berlin.
I yawned loudly and after a couple seconds Edoardo did the same and then grinned at me in a slightly coy manner.
"Did you sleep well?", he asked and stretched out his hand to carefully touch my cheek and then my hair. I blushed and took his hand, put my own against it and then interlocked our fingers.
"Yes", I lied and brushed with my fingertips against his palm, before taking his hand again, putting it back to my cheek. "You?"
"Like a baby", he said and I chuckled. "Good to hear."
"What's your plan for today?", I asked and felt my face get warm under Edoardo's touch. He smiled and let his hand wander to my neck, gently stroking along it until he reached the collar of my shirt. I tried to keep my breathing in a normal manner.
"Rehearsing. Remember, tonight we play another show. Are you still coming?" I nodded and smiled at him.
"Yes, of course. I'm really excited. It feels like quite some time ago I last saw you in concert, although...it was only in October." Edoardo nodded slowly and took his hand away from my neck.
"Are you still worried Angelo might act up tonight?", he asked quietly and my body tensed up. I tried to keep a neutral face and answered: "I don't know. You know him better than I do, don't you?" Edoardo's face was impossible to read. He looked at my face a couple seconds, apparently thinking about my question.
"Yes, I suppose I do. And I'm sure he will be professional about tonight. But I don't want to uh...provoke him..." "Unnecessarily?", I added and Edoardo nodded and rolled his eyes slightly. "What a un...necessary long and stupid word", he said, once again stumbling over it. "I agree", I chuckled and stretched my arms over my head, yawning once again.
"I better get going then", I said and pulled back the covers.
"Nooo, don't go yet", Edoardo said quietly and embraced me with his arms, pulling me back into bed. I chuckled and let his strong arms hold me tight. I felt his body warmth and cuddled myself to him, smiling inwardly.
"Fine", I said quietly, "but I don't want to be the reason you underperform tonight."
"Oh don't you worry." He turned me around so I could face him. "I am the best drummer in the world." He winked at me and I rolled my eyes.
"I heard you were pretty shitty in the beginning", I teased him and he pretended to pout. "No one is born a master. But I have put in pretty much work."
"I know, I know. I was just joking." I lightly tipped on his nose with my index and smiled crookedly.
We stayed in bed like this for a while, and it was just so cozy and warm to be wrapped in Edoardo's arms, that I genuinely wished we could stay like that all day. But eventually we had to get up, thought before I left, he stopped me for a second and gave me a kiss on the cheek, while burying his hand in my hair. I was blushing hard when I left his room and smiled from ear to ear. Edoardo assured me he would have picked Hanna and me up before the concert, assuring that we would get first row.

When I told her about it, about half an hour later as we sat down for breakfast in a café, her eyes got big and she shook her head repeatedly. "So you're officially with the band now, huh?", she said and took a sip from her big iced coffee. I rolled my eyes, shrugged but couldn't help grinning a bit.
"So, what about last night? How did the date go?" I began to tell Hanna about all that I had experienced with Edoardo, and at times I had to stop because I was just not believing my own tale. Then I would smile so widely Hanna would raise her brows and I would quickly try to put on a more neutral face again.
"Who would've guessed after all that simping for Angelo, you'd end up falling for the drummer, who you never had on your radar at all..." Hanna cocked her head and looked at me thoughtfully. I stirred my latte with my straw and looked over to hear, nodding slowly.
"It is funny, isn't it. When you think about it. Although..." I stared into my coffee for a couple seconds and Hanna asked: "What?".
"I just think, I should still be careful. This isn't over, this thing with Angelo. And...it won't be easy, in case Edoardo and I are really...I don't know, if we will start dating or something like that." I shook my head and grinned sheepishly, which made Hanna laugh.
"I also wish he wouldn't get in your way about that", Hanna said and shrugged. "But he will calm down eventually, right? It's not like you had the craziest connection going on. It's probably just an ego thing." I nodded my head slowly, hoping that Hanna was right. We did have a crazy physical connection...and probably still do...I could never deny that. It was incomparable to anyone else, but mainly because there wasn't any other experience I could compare it to. That made it tricky to assess the actual importance and uniqueness of our connection.
"And...", Hanna said and I looked up, "you seriously haven't...you know? Last night?" I rolled my eyes and blushed a bit.
"It's not like you have to jump into bed with a man at first opportunity", I replied and the look that Hanna gave me made us both burst into laughing loudly. Finally I wiped tears out of my face and tried to calm down again, taking deep breaths.
"But seriously, I've only ever had sex with...you know. It's not like I don't wanna do it with Edoardo, but...I don't know, I'm a bit nervous about it, I suppose."
"I mean, you're right, you don't have to rush anything. Edoardo seems to be into you, like really you as a person. That counts for much more right?"
"Right", I agreed.
"Anywayyys", Hanna said, stretching out the word, "is Tom already gone, or what?" I took another sip from my coffee and nodded.
"He was just leaving when I changed this morning." Hanna looked at her glass for a moment and then shrugged another time.
"He was so...random." I chuckled at this and raised my brows.
"I don't know, like him being here...you know. Because you never knew him before. And I thought only students who do a lot of extracurricular activities get a chance for the parade." I leaned back in my chair and began to drum my fingers on the table.
"Yeah, I mean, I guess. You know how I never remember faces or names, I probably just forgot about him. He showed me his designs, he is definitely talented and qualified enough to have earned this trip."
"Right", Hanna said and nodded.
"Oh by the way, guess who we've met..." I told Hanna about the Gucci Chief Designer Belluci and she expressed her excitement for me.
"I wonder if this would've happened if I had not been with Edoardo that night...", I uttered a thought that had flown around in the back of my mind.
"Why do you always have to overthink everything?" I traced the coffee rings that my cup had left on the table with my index and sighed. "I just don't want anyone to think I'm using my connections to get opportunities like that."
Hanna shook her head and swayed her hair back with an aggressive movement.
"Sweetie, that's just how things work. Everyone uses their connections. It's nothing bad about it. There are so many talented people in the world who deserve this opportunity – but that doesn't mean you deserve it any less. You just got lucky. You need luck in life, because talent doesn't get you anywhere these days. Just look at your dad." I frantically sucked in some air and Hanna looked at me apologetically.
"Sorry I just...". I shook my head and made a placatory gesture with my hand.
"All good. I get what you wanted to say." Hanna looked at me carefully and for a moment we both sat there in silence, until we changed the topic and got more relaxed again.