Chapter 18: Contact

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"Man Ari, I said he was an ass from the very beginning." I blew my nose loudly and looked at Freyja through a veil of tears.
"He's not an ass, I'm just an idiot!", I exclaimed and hid my face in my hands. I had been sobbing for over half an hour now and Freyja tried to comfort me in her own way.
"Ari, I will not deny that, but this is not your fault. What does the bastard think? He can't just play with people's feelings just because he's famous. No, no, this is definitely on him." I put my hands away from my face and sighed loudly.
"But...but...I thought..."
"No, Ari", Freyja cut me off. "This is it. It's over. I'm sorry love, but I have to give you a reality check here. I know you are in love with him or whatever, or with the idea of him but you must have known even after that night happened, he wouldn't become your boyfriend or anything."
"I know...", I started and wiped over my cheeks with my hands, "I just thought...we had a connection..." Freyja looked at me in a very pitiful way, with a hint of disbelief in her eyes, which she tried to conceal.
"Ari, honey...you were just a groupie to him. Just the experience you wanted, remember? I'm so sorry but that's the way it is. You're both from very different worlds. You'll have to get over it. Over him." I buried my head into a pillow and hit it weakly with my fist. "I hate men", I exclaimed, my voice muffled.
"Yeah, don't we all", Freyja said and sighed. I turned around and stared at the ceiling, crossing my hands behind my neck.
"You're probably right, as always", I finally said and blinked some last tears away. "I will have to get over him." I tried to sound determined and turned to look at Freyja. "We're still going to the concert though, right?" Freyja took another pillow and hit me with it.
"Alright, okay, let's not talk about it anymore. I wanna know everything about your date night with Nick."
"Good, because I'm fucking dying to tell you everything about it", Freyja grinned and shifted in her seat for a more comfortable position. "Alright, so..."

***

The following weekend, I tried hard to distract myself from the whole matter, which was harder than I'd hoped. Mezzanotte were fucking everywhere. I avoided Twitter and Instagram the best I could, but I still saw a lot of pictures and updates at one of their stations. I was actually very bad at staying offline – I know the best thing would be to just unfollow their accounts, but I just could not bring myself to do it. After all, I still liked the band, I still liked their music. I especially wanted to see what Matteo was up to. I wish I would've been able to spend more time with him. The 'break-up' (I had no better way to call it) with Angelo also meant that I probably wouldn't be able to befriend Matteo anymore, which was truly a shame. Nonetheless, we followed each other on Instagram now, but I had been hesitant to write him a direct message.
Then there was the issue that I actually really liked their music as well. But I had been unable to listen to it, as listening to Angelo's voice made my heart ache and my insides twist. This whole thing had been such a big mistake, I realised. Not being able to enjoy a band anymore, for – what – two times of really good sex? I had not thought that through at all. Luckily enough, I didn't have that much time to mope and cry about it, as this semester was quite challenging and I had other social obligations and friends who actually cared about me, that I wanted to spend time with.

On Tuesday after the concert and the proceeding drama, Cecile and I sat once again in the cafeteria, having lunch and chatting about our courses. Cecile had essentially reacted the same way Freyja had, but in a more sentimental way. However, she pulled out her phone and showed me something the Official Mezzanotte Fan account had posted.
"Oh Jesus Christ", I exclaimed and took the phone out of her hands." It depicted the moment Angelo had talked to me in the brief moment right after Cecile had taken the photo with the band. He was touching my arm and was smirking in this Angelo-typical way. I looked a bit shy, the way I looked up at his face.
"Why would they post this", I whined and looked at the caption. " Angelo Angelico with a Fan in Berlin.
"It's kinda weird isn't it? To know what really went on between you two in that moment. It puts the picture in a whole other perspective."
I nodded and looked at the picture again. I felt a pang in my chest, because the photo had frozen a moment in time where Angelo had not thrown me out of his hotel room yet. Where he had not banned from his life yet.
"Ari, look", Cecile said suddenly, interrupting my thoughts about Angelo.
"What?", I looked over my shoulder.
"It's Stephan."
"Oh", I made and shrugged my shoulders slightly. I had not texted him so far and felt a little bad about it, but I really had not been in the right headspace for it. But maybe he could be my welcoming distraction.
"Hey, Stephan!", Cecile exclaimed and waved at him, indicating that he should sit at our table.
"Cecile", I hissed but she just smiled and Stephan arrived at our table.
"Hi Ari", he said and smiled, his brown eyes sparkling and two dimples emerged on his cheeks. He really was cute, I couldn't deny it. "Hi Stephan", I said and smiled back at him. He sat down opposite me and pulled off his coat.
"I've gotta go, don't wanna be late for Müller's seminar", Cecile said, took her tray and beamed at us. "Bye you two!" I watched her leave the table in disbelief and Stephan chuckled slightly.
"Well, how have you been? Haven't heard from you in a while."
"We just saw each other on Thursday", I replied and cocked my head to the side.
"Yeah, right...", Stephan said and smiled a bit embarrassed. "Guess it felt longer for me." Jesus, he was like not even trying to hide his interest towards me. I was flattered but at the same time didn't really know how to deal with it.
"I'm sorry, I'm sometimes just really bad with texting back. I don't do it on purpose. It's just sometimes I have like 50 different tabs open in my head and forget about some of them."
"You don't have to apologize. I was just wondering what you've been up to. I didn't see you at Layla's Party on Saturday. And I've been told you never miss an opportunity to party."
I grinned and nodded slowly. "That's what you've been told, huh? Very interesting." I took a sip from my coffee and shrugged. "Well, essentially true, but even the biggest party animal has to study sometimes. So I had to miss out on this one. Did you have fun though?"
"It was fun. I was just a bit lost – Nick was kind of occupied with your friend." He grinned. "But all in all, fun party."
"I can imagine..." I said and leaned back in my chair.
"Anyways...", Stephan said and cleared his voice, suddenly seeming nervous. "Do you want to uh...so there's a exhibition at the CFA Berlin this Friday and I was wondering if you'd like to go with me there?" He looked down at the table and then looked up at me again, smiling shyly. Ahh, why does he have to be so fucking adorable?

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