Countryhumans Oneshots! [Historical Fiction・No NSFW]

Texas & Cali's Wild West Shenanigans

WARNING

This passage contains a bit of swearing and an Alabama joke (lmao). If you are not comfortable with this, please skip over this story. This is your last warning.

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Meanwhile in one of America's many estates in the west...

"Back in the good ole days I was a fine, young cowboy with my trusty lasso n' my even finer Colt .45!"

I gave a light hearted chuckle. There goes Texas again fantasizing about his "good ole days." Back in 1865, right after the Civil War, he began his cowboy phase just as the Wild West started to take place. Going from a farmhand that took up arms during the war, he decided to herd Longhorn cattle in order to put his sharpshooting and wrangling skills to the test. Texas probably wanted to raise his self confidence at the time because of the downfall of the infamous Confederacy. Either way, it was an impressive feat for a young, rebellious lad at the time if I do say so myself.

"The Colt .45 was the gun in the West! It could fire 6 bullets in a go. Of course you would only load 5 in the chamber in case you accidentally set it off. America dubbed it the Cowboy Load didn't he? Isn't that also the gun you would always use in your Wild West films, right Cali?"

"Mhm! I just thought that you know, its design, historical background, and just the... how do I put this? The cowboy-esk theme of it really represented what the Wild West was really about! It's ironic how my marvelous idea of how I perceived you in movies has now become the sole stereotype of your state." I enthusiastically replied.

"Heh, it kinda is. I honestly quite like it. It makes me sound like an absolute protagonist. I wish I could relive that short, sweet period. Shame it went by as fast as a stampeding cattle." Texas nostalgically remarked, visibly smirking at the thought.

A lightbulb lit up inside my head.

I snatched my sewing machine off a low shelf in the living room and placed it on top of the glass coffee table. It was fully white with dashes of red to complete the otherwise bland color scheme of the exterior plastic case. Grabbing brown and tan roughly textured cloth from a rogue bin in the area, I set it next to the machine and began my work.

Texas plopped next to me atop the leather sofa and questioned,"Whatcha doing there bro?"

"Ah I just had the most splendid idea is all. What if for my next photoshoot to post on Instagram I could photograph you in a cowboy fit? Maybe it could almost help you relive your childhood." I hastily said.

"That would be fucking awesome! One problem - I ain't got my cowboy fit anymore. Father threw it out a long time ago."

I laughed and responded, "C'mon Texas what do you think I'm doing with this sewing machine! I'm stitching ya a new, better outfit! Now stand up darling I'm going to have to measure your ass."

Texas's eyes bulged in a comedic manner. Almost like a Disney cartoon. He stepped back slightly as I tried to take the measurements.

"Ok you're the one making it all weird man. You're not tryin to pull an Alabama, are ya?"

"I was joking! It's just a joke hermano! Can't take light hearted sibling banter can you?" I declared, still giggling.

I commenced to take measurements of his head first and move down his body until I'm finished.

"Ugh go on then, if I see ya taking one peak on my - you know what. I will bring out the big guns 'n I'll have Florida bring his gator to terrorize you till the day you die! Mark my words Cali!"

I couldn't contain my laughter and dropped to the floor. We've been alive for pretty much a century and I still find jokes like these funny. Nice.


▶

Noon turned to night as the sun floated down the horizon in bright, gleaming colors of orange, gold, and red. Working speedily around the clock with Texas fast asleep next to me in a little curled ball, I managed to finish my latest masterpiece once morning hit. Pfft, who needs a sleep schedule? It was long gone anyways.

I fitted the clothes on to one of my mannequins and gazed up at my work of art. I crossed my arms. Something was off, no something needed to be added to finish it off. Something authentic, something that has to be years old. What could it be?

I glanced at Texas, still sound asleep on the cold hardwood floors despite my loud, consecutive stomping and pacing. I stared harder at him trying to visualize how he would look in his new costume. My eyes wandered from the imaginary hand-crafted leather boots he would be wearing to the meticulously made Cattleman hat with a curved brim and three creases on top. Finally my eyes rested on the left side of his chest, specifically over the left side of his jacket pocket. There.

I ventured out to the harsh habitat of Texas's room - messy, dirty, and probably not vacuumed for months on end. Who knows what in the hell lies in the depths of his bedsheets. Gosh I could imagine cockroaches in here or worse, my sworn enemy, snakes. Tiptoeing towards his walk-in closet, I cracked the door just a bit to peak in. Rags, shirts, and a fuck ton of guns lay in rust and waste. At the right of the closet's walls lined a Carcano Modello 1891 bolt-action rifle, Colt 1911 semi-automatic pistol, and some type of Ruger pistol. To the left, guess what? More guns.

Wandering further in I found the suitcase housing one of his most prized possessions. Carefully prying it out of its styrofoam case, I quickly escaped that labyrinth of a closet and went back to my place at the table.

At this point Texas awakened still half-asleep at the foot of the coffee table. He wrapped a blanket around himself as he shivered in the morning's frosty welcoming.

"Wake up sleepy head! I've been working all night and now I've finally finished. Go wash your face or something, you have to try it on." I excitedly announced.

He took a glance at the outfit and gasped with all the energy he could muster in the early hours.

"Holy- it's perfect! I love it Cali, thanks!" Texas responded as he rubbed his eyes to get a better look.

After we both ate breakfast and got ready with the rest of the states in another more chaotic part of the house, we set our sights on my late night's endeavors.

A few moments later Texas put on his costume. It consisted of a trench-coat style jacket that dropped down to about the mid-calf that was intended to be worn openly due to the likeliness that it could get caught on a saddle horn, a little touch of authenticity I added. I sewed a buttoned vest which in the 19th century was used to keep body heat in since the unbuttoned jacket would not be able to do that. Underneath the vest would be a button-up cotton long sleeved shirt. For the lower body I styled trousers and leather boots to tie in nicely with all the other pieces. For added decor I made a silk red handkerchief and leather gloves. Finally, I ended it off with a Cattleman hat - staple and the poster child of the Wild West.

"So- how'd you like it?"

"Fucking hell Cali it's amazing! It- it looks like something I woulda worn." He exclaimed with the slightest glint of tears in his eyes.

I put my hands into my pocket and realized I forgot a vital part. I pulled out a silver plated badge made of solid brass that was fastened to a mounted pin and handed it to Texas.

"Woah what's this? Wait! Is this my old sheriff badge? Oh thank you hermano I've been looking everywhere for it!"

Back when the past methods of cattle ranching were on the brink of extinction due to the invention of barbed wire which kept livestock from roaming about people's properties on the Great Plains, the building of railroads, immigration, and the gold rush inside my own borders sparked the beginning of a new era. Though the Wild West wouldn't end until the beginning of the 1900's, or just around the start of WWI, Texas decided to become a sheriff in boomtowns and mining towns that sprung up near silver and gold deposits. It was a lifestyle just as joyous as his cowboy days.

"Aight, I'll go fetch my camera. Stay put, I'll be right back!" I shouted at Texas as I bounded the halls to get my equipment.


▶

"Yeah that's it right there, keep that position."

*click*

"Okay now go like that. Great, hold your pose now!"

*click*

"Dang, you're more photogenic than I thought you'd be. Okay last one! Now stand up like this. Perfect!"

*click*

Texas scoffed.

"Of course I'd be photogenic dipshit. I'm the best in the biz!" He pointed out.

"Mhm."

*click*

Happy with the results I let him rest for the day as I sorted through the pictures carefully picking the best in the selection of each pose. Each photograph wasn't just a model pose, it was dynamic, it told a story, it was indeed a masterpiece.

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Citations
Cowboys, History.com, April 26, 2010 ・https://www.history.com/topics/westward-expansion/cowboys

The Ways of the Cowboy, ushistory.org, Sunday, April 10, 2022, ・https://www.ushistory.org/us/41b.asp

Cowboys, pbs.org, 2003- 2014 ・https://www.pbs.org/opb/historydetectives/feature/cowboys/

Vaqueros, Bullock Museum, 2022・https://www.thestoryoftexas.com/discover/campfire-stories/vaqueros

Cowboy, Wikipedia, March 31, 2022・https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cowboy

American Frontier, Wikipedia, April 9, 2022 ・https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_frontier

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Authour

This was just a fun little story involving Texas and California y'know? A bit fascinated with the Wild West and 19th century America as of now so I thought I would have a bit of a reflection of my current knowledge of that in this story. I've also been thinking of creating a headcanon book since I feel like my backstory for some countryhumans are a bit far off with the orthodox ones and I'd like to share my hc's with you anyways! What do y'all think? I'd probably do it anyways so idk why I'm asking lol

[1672 Words]