You never know

Part 3

My brown eyes meet his green ones. He looks at me and I feel like a deer in head lights. "what the fuck are you doing here?" he yells at me. I flinch at his outburst. I stay quiet not wanting to tell him about Luke, Alex and Zach. how could I tell him about them. no body knows, no one cares. so many people have seen it happening, so many people just looking away and pretend to not even see it. how could they do that? How could they just stand by while I am just laying there in pain. I've had 12 broken bones because of Luke and his friends. I've almost committed suicide because of them making me feel like shit every day. "HELLO?!?" He screams at me snapping me back from my thoughts. I just look at him, glaring into his eyes. His anger builds and he grabs me by my shirt, flinging me around so I'm in front of him and walking me to my room. I scream struggling to break from his grip. he opens the door, slamming it behind him. he pushes me harshly to the ground. "stay In her and try not to be a bigger disappointment, you little whore." he spits at me before he leaves. my arm aches from his unbelievable grip. I back up into a corner in my room, I pull my legs up to my chest and silently I sit there. I let out quiet small sobs trying not to make noise because he might come back and yell at me more.

I wake up a couple hours later. it was supper time. my mom would be home by now. I slowly get up opening my door. I peek through the crack seeing no one. I quietly walk out. I make my way to the kitchen. I look in seeing my step-father and my mom at the table. "hey there sleepy head." my mom says. My step-father, Kale barley looks up. I smile at her, "hey." I say quietly. I grab a plate of the rice and some chicken and I go over and sit down beside my mother opposite kale. We eat in silence, then walk back to my room. When I get there I decide to take a shower, and I enter my bathroom. I take my clothes off, examining my cuts and bruises. I think I may have broken something in my stomach. after I'm done in the shower I get out, drying and getting dressed then I climb in my bed.

So this is it. This is my life. I'm constantly either tortured by the people around me. Or I do it myself. Whenever i do it I just think that I'm doing it for the better. I always right down in my notes what I'm thinking here is what I wrote yesterday.

*I did it. I did it again. I just I had to get that feeling. That pain release. That justice. I mean I deserve what I do to myself. I mean after all I am just a stupid waste of space on this world. I deserve it. I deserve that pain. Most people see it as a release. For the pain inside to escape. That's not why I do it. I feel like I'm doing it as justice. As if I did some kind of crime. I do it to satisfy others. I don't care about myself. I do it to make the world equal. I do it to prove to people, sometimes balance has consequences. And sacrifices that you have to make sometimes. I do it to get back at myself for being so stupid. *

I go to school and when I get there I open my locker. I haven't seen luke yet which is strange. When he can't find me at the gates he always comes to my locker. They don't just quit like this. Does Luke actually wanna stop? Or is he skipping? Whatever it is I don't like it. I have bad feelings. I unlock my pass and then I see a note fall to the ground I pick it up.

*It reads *Meet me at the tree in the schoolyard. At lunch. * *

I immediately know it's Luke and his friends. But it might not. Luke doesn't strike me as a "heart above the I" kind of dude. I don't know but I'll decide later I have English math and history right now.