Demi
"Uhhh....Demi? You have a visitor."
Rebecca announced as she poked her head into my room. I was comfortably positioned on my bed, flipping through gossip magazines.
"Me? You sure?"
I sat up in bed. I was confused to say the least, considering no one knew I was here and I have been for the past three and a half weeks.
"Yeah... Our other Demetria Lovato signed out last week."
She responded sarcastically before telling me to hurry because visiting hours were almost over. I was curious as to who my visitor could be so I began to make myself look civilized and within five minutes, I was making my way to the visiting area.
Due to my anticipation, the two minute walk seemed longer than usual. I prayed to God that it wasn't a pap and the more I thought about who it could be, the more anxious I got.
I didn't have to wonder long though because soon enough, I was staring right into the eyes of perfection.
"Jess..."
I whispered, hoping she would respond and confirm that this wasn't a figment of my imagination and boy did she respond. She reached out and smacked me dead across the face causing a security guard to step forward. In the same instant, she lunged herself forward and began crying.
"Fuck you. You had me so worried. I thought you were dead."
She held on to me as she continued crying and cussing me out. I, too, held on to her for dear life as tears started to trickle down my face. I missed her and everything about her. Her hair, her scent, her hilarious sarcasm, everything.
After she calmed down a bit, we moved to sit at one of the tables that were in the room. I continued to hold her hand just to assure myself that she wouldn't just blow away with the wind.
"Hi."
She stated nervously as she stared me down.
"Hey."
"You left me again."
She stated softly and wiped away her tears.
"I hurt you."
I stated in the same tone of voice, hoping she would understand why I had to go. I have never felt as much self hatred as I did in that moment when I put my hands on her, that was the moment I knew I had to get better.
"I spent so many days going crazy trying to figure out where you were. I haven't had good night's sleep in weeks Demi..."
I could tell she wasn't exaggerating. Her eyes were slightly puffy but I could tell she had concealed most of it with makeup.
"...I looked everywhere for you. I asked everyone if they knew where you were, including your mom and Wilmer. That's how badly you fucked me up."
I had to look away. The way she looked at me and the way her voice sounded so broken was really doing a number on me. I didn't think she would care that much especially after what I did.
"I was using again and I refused to accept that I needed help. That day when I...."
I had to pause in order to prevent myself from sobbing. Each time I would think about what I'd done, I would break down. I didn't even speak about it in therapy yet.
"...that's when I knew it had gotten out of hand. That's when I knew that I could never live with myself knowing that I never put up a fight and that's when I knew I could never forgive myself."
