when in prison - han seojun

9.

9. The diary.

NOT DEAR DIARY, 

why am i even doing this? i suck at writing. i guess i just want to keep a memory whenever i skedaddle the hell out of here. i shouldn't have hit them back. anyways, today i had a super horrible meal; it was soup, except it didn't look like soup. not very cool. also, i keep thinking about this girl who keeps staring at me whenever we're outside, she's weird as heck. 

the other day, as i was minding my own business, she came up to me and asked: "you're 0122, right?" like, isn't that what my little  badge says? i simply nodded. i was hoping she would leave if i just let her know that i wasn't interested in being friends with anybody, because i'm pretty much just so done with all these stupid prisoners. and the cops, yes. the cops.

i hope that whenever i get out of here i never see that girl again, she just kind of annoys me. but she didn't do anything, i just get a vibe. you know, diary? a vibe. 
and so the girl never left my side, she's been bugging me so much i want to hop off a bridge.

so that was it for today, i guess i'll write more tomorrow. or never. i don't know what day it is, so i'll just start with day 1.

day 1.

---

just diary,

today i didn't get to eat anything. i don't know if this is allowed or not, not that i care, but they took away my food and told me to do push ups for them. this one man sat on top of me while i did the push ups, he was so heavy !!!

i hate it here, i only learn to hate it more. 

the only thing that lessens the anger and stress is writing, just like i'm doing right now. the truth is, nothing ever gives me peace anymore. i miss that. somehow i grew colder and sadder over the last few weeks, it's weird. ever since the fundraiser to build that hospital ended, i've been feeling empty. just like before it started. just like when my brother died.

maybe i miss seeing people who are not dressed as cops or prisoners, maybe that's it. i don't know, it's a weird feeling.

but, anyways, today i didn't see that girl. but that's only because i didn't get to go outside, i was busy getting hit by the cops. i thought they were supposed to be the law, and isn't the law fair? i mean, it's supposed to be. 

i have nothing more to write about, this is it for today. i just want to get out of here, i am absolutely the heck done with life. 

day 2.

---

dead diary,

it's been months since the first time i decided to write. yesterday i wrote about this new guy who tried to hug me; likewise, he tried to hug me today. i told him to back off, but he wouldn't listen. i couldn't just punch him in the face and have more time added to my sentence, i want to see the world again. i want to go out with friends and have a partner. i also want to get a job.

i also want to see him, even though he might have forgotten about me already. 

this morning i cut my hair, but i cut it too short. i kept the wolf cut, so i still look pretty cool, in my opinion. i dont even care if it is uneven, people think it's a look. i might just burn this book once i get out of here, i feel like there is nothing special to remember but abuse by cops. it's not something i would like to remember. however, i like writing. i think i'm going to keep this and read it when i'm older. 

day 210.

---

so not dear diary, 

i'm getting out of here in a few days, it's decided. i'm excited to start my life again, i hope nothing goes wrong. i should just settle near the school i used to attend, Saebom something-something. i forgot what it was called, i don't know if it's still called that. i've seen han seojun wearing a similar uniform, not sure if it's the same since it's been so long.

anyways, i'm getting mentally ready to go out for the first time in years. i'm actually happy!

day 724.