Why Anakin is No Longer Allowed to Mentor

3. Cooking Debacles

Anakin was rather bewildered, but he'd be damned if he didn't have fun with this.

In order to teach him some 'much needed humility' as Master Windu had put it, he had been told to appear on a cooking show with Obi-Wan and make a rather basic dish anyone with a hint of cooking ability could pull off. It was supposedly a PR stunt, but in reality, the Masters wanted to get back at him for the rumors he'd been spreading via the Padawans whenever he was bored.

It was assumed that someone like Anakin, who was more mechanically inclined, wouldn't know how to cook worth a damn.

Oh how he was going to enjoy this.

Anakin waited for the show's host to announce them and for the segment to begin. Obi-Wan kept shooting Anakin glances that said he had better behave, or ELSE.

"To start our recipe, you should first make sure you have at least two of the unborn to coat the bird," said Anakin cheerfully, causing Obi-Wan to choke. He was so glad Padme was recording this.

"Anakin!" hissed Obi-Wan.

"Next you should coat the sacrifice with the right spices. For this recipe I recommend..." started Anakin, happily dodging Obi-Wan's almost subtle attempt to kick him into silence.

"I told you to behave!" hissed Obi-Wan.

Anakin pretended not to hear him. This was going to be hilarious.

"Make sure you've coated the sacrifice with it's unborn child thoroughly to insure the next coating of flour sticks properly," said Anakin. Then he took a closer look at the bird in question and pretend embarrassment. "Correction, it seems this particular fowl isn't the one who laid the eggs I'm using. This is its aquatic cousin."

Obi-Wan had about lost patience with his friend/brother.

"Anakin, have you lost your mind?" he hissed, unaware the cameras had caught his every word until now.

Anakin paused in what he was doing, turned and looked at him with such a deadpan expression you could tell what he was thinking without words.

"I'm a twenty-something human male who's primary job is being a frontline fighter and occasional diplomat. What on earth made you think I was going to behave doing something as boring as cooking?" said Anakin incredulously. "If I have to do this, then I'm going to do it in a way that at least keeps me entertained, since I can't trust you to do it."

"What is that supposed to mean?" said Obi-Wan indignantly.

Anakin sensed a prime opportunity for chaos.

"Well one of us has to know how to cook, considering all the time you spend doing other activities."

"For the last time Anakin, I am not some sort of discreet sex god among the Jedi! Why do you keep spreading that ridiculous rumor!" said Obi-Wan without thinking, before realizing his mistake far too late.

Anakin was desperately trying not to cackle.

"And yet between the two of us, I'm the only one who knows how to actually cook without burning the water," said Anakin. He continued to use his interpretation of cooking right up until the bird in question was done, much to the dismay of a highly embarrassed Obi-Wan.

Later that night in his apartment...

"Anakin, that was horrible," said Padme, but the fact she was trying not to laugh said otherwise.

"What the hell did they think was going to happen?" said Anakin without any sympathy whatsoever. "I'm a fighter, not a cook. Besides, the only reason they dragged me onto that show was to teach me some humility...I just ran with it."

On an unrelated note, that particular cooking segment would remain on the top rankings for well over twenty years, and would be replayed countless times. Anakin's popularity soared immensely, and Obi-Wan found himself having to hide for the next six months from women trying to get into his pants to prove the so called 'Jedi Sex God' rumor Anakin openly tricked him into mentioning.