Why Anakin is No Longer Allowed to Mentor

6. How Not to Make Babies

Anakin happened to be passing by the temple cantina when he overheard something very interesting indeed. He had known the Masters weren't exactly pleased with him accidentally finding HK-47 of all droids, much less finish rebuilding him once he knew exactly what he had found.

However he never thought they'd actually assign him to the one chore most Knights considered a punishment, particularly the more active ones like him.

Namely teaching the newly minted hormonal teenage padawans about puberty and more specifically the general mating practices of whatever species they happened to be. It was considered a punishment because they also had to explain that having 'relations' was heavily frowned upon right after explaining what sex was.

Anakin debated on how to handle this, as he had ZERO doubt that they would make him teach the padawans Sex Ed just to get back at him, thinking he would be too mortified to actually do it properly.

Honestly, you would have thought the Council would have figured out by now that Anakin A) had zero sense of shame whatsoever, and B) was more than happy to do what they asked with a twist that would cause them no end of headaches as revenge. Case in point, the 'cooking show' fiasco as the pissy Master Windu called it.

So when Master Yoda told him of his new assignment for the next two weeks, Anakin carefully hid his evil laughter.

"I'll need a day or two to properly prepare," said Anakin. This was going to be fun.

In the lower levels of Corusant...

"If it isn't Chancellor Palpatine's boy-toy. What's a pretty Jedi like you doing in the lower levels?" purred the escort with a grin.

Anakin grinned right back.

"I just got roped into teaching Sex Ed to the padawans, and I came here to ask for advice to give to the female ones," he said cheerfully.

"...What?" said the escort baffled.

"I thought the Jedi were monks or something?" said the escort.

"This is more of a punishment for whoever pisses off the Council most recently," clarified Anakin.

That seemed to amuse the escort and her friends, who had been listening in to the conversation.

"So what sort of advice were you looking for?" asked her friend.

"How to locate the discreet clinics that hand out the contraceptives, and basic knowledge any girl should know if she's going to be travelling around with only a single adult minder after hitting puberty," said Anakin bluntly. "I would ask my girlfriend, but she was raised up in an environment where she could pay the better doctors who know how to be discreet."

"Wait, you actually have a girlfriend?!" said the escort, eager for gossip.

"I'll trade you inner gossip on the Senate and some of the higher ups I have to deal with in exchange for information," said Anakin promptly. "Oh, and I'll pay for everyone's drinks until my job teaching the padawans about how babies are made is up."

"Deal, now spill," said the escort eagerly.

Needless to say Anakin not only left that particular bar with plenty of much needed information, but also with some new friends and contacts. And while he didn't name his 'girlfriend', anyone with a brain will have realized that maybe there was a reason he was particularly chummy with Padme.

The escorts knew better than to burn the best source of information they had to the higher ups. None of them were 'pretty' enough to suit the senators on their own, and having a Jedi as a contact could only be useful in the long run.

In the Temple...

To say the padawans were surprised to see Anakin there was an understatement.

"They roped you into punishment duty?" said one of the girls.

"Figures...they would try to punish the only Knight who bothers to display any independence or personality," muttered one of the boys. That got the rest of them nodding in agreement.

"So the Council wanted me to teach you all about puberty and all that nonsense," said Anakin. He picked up the vid that the Jedi masters had been using for decades to avoid actually having to talk about it. "Instead I'm going to really screw with them and skip this ridiculous video which never made any sense to me when I had to watch it."

Anakin grinned at the way the padawans perked up at that.

"Instead I'm just going to assume you'll do what any healthy teenager would do while their master or minders are away on official business and teach you something that's genuinely useful that they can't really bitch me out about later. Once that's done, I'll give some of you individual advice and then we can all torment the Masters who set me up later. Sound fair?" said Anakin cheerfully.

"How are you going to get us to torment our masters?" asked one girl.

"Easy. You just have to ask them what the best ways to use the Force during sex are, since they obviously have more experience in that area than you," said Anakin.

The padawans all sported the same evil smirk he had on his face. It was nice to know that the temple had plenty of 'like-minded' headaches that the Council had to deal with. Anakin was more than happy to make their lives hell since they refused to treat him with any actual respect.

They made it clear they didn't trust him at all because he entered the Order so late.

Obi-Wan didn't try to hide his amusement with Anakin when he found out what the other man had done. Aside from the minor embarrassment on their master's part, the padawans came out of that particular lesson far more well informed than they were going into it.

Master Windu was just peeved that none of their usual unofficial punishments were working on Anakin's trolling. Yoda seemed to find it mildly amusing though.