It's dark outside my window.
A single candle flickers before me.
I clasp a cold hard metal.
A tear slowly rolls down my cheek.
I refuse to avert my eyes from the flame;
It's intense brightness keeps me sane.
My mouth creased downward.
I click my tongue to break the silence.
My hands turn the metal over in my palm,
Over, over, over, over, over,
Until it presses too hard into my skin.
It finally draws my attention away.
A thin line of blood forms in drips.
I roll my hand, turning it to the side
Letting the blood roll away,
Falling onto my soft white skirt.
My thoughts drift off into sadness.
I get up to my feet silently,
Dusting myself off as I stretch my arms.
I debate longingly of bringing the candle.
I shake my head and dismally blow it out.
I shuffle my way along into the hallway,
Paying attention to each swish of my skirt
Like I was strolling through a graveyard.
Turning left at the corner doorway,
I flip the light switch on the wall.
The bulbs buzz loudly in my ears,
Dimly giving off precious light.
The lights reminds me of my soul.
Blinking and dull but still barely there.
Help me pretend for a moment,
That I'm in an autumn field,
A beautiful field of red and orange leaves, Frozen in time encased in solid amber.
I picture this as I step out of my clothes.
I stare at myself intently in the mirror,
Only in my undergarments I see flaws.
I stand and grab at my fat, my scars.
Why couldn't you see more bones?
I shake my head, watching my curls wave.
I grab the thin metal blade in my palm,
I lift up my hair and saw it off in chunks.
My finished product is uneven, ugly.
But it doesn't really matter now.
I climb into the bathtub with a racing mind
Slowly breaking into a sweat.
I turn the water on warm and settle in.
I lay my arm out, palm up, and stare.
My tears roll down grievously.
I grasp on to the little comfort I have,
That cold heartless metal in my hand.
I take a deep breath and begin to sing,
I sing quietly but with conviction.
The song that matters most to me.
I sniff and continue to sing as I press,
Press my ultimate fix to my wrist.
This will solve everything wrong with me.
I drag, drag it downwards deliberately.
I watch my skin splitting into halves.
The blood was slow to come at first,
But when it does it pours, saturates.
I stop at the bend of my arm and stare;
I switch the blade to my other hand.
I copied my actions on this side as well.
What if they find me too soon?
No, no one will notice my absence.
I shut my eyes and watch the blackness.
I feel death kiss me on my forehead then,
I let out a sigh at this sweet kiss.
I stopped my singing at some point.
I whisper under my breath "shhhh."
Then I let go.
YOU ARE READING
Specks in my eye
PoetryThis is a collection of my poetry from over the years. I have used it to cope with many things throughout my life. I like being able to put words to how I feel. Please be aware this will touch on sensitive topics seeing as it is a coping mechanism f...
