Take me away

Desire

Joe didn't speak to me one word since we are back at the plane. It is still snowing so we can't go outside. He put the wood on the hole to cover it and it actually worked but still he doesn't say a word. I guess it's because of what happened in the forest or its because he needs time for himself again. I want to talk to him but I don't know how to start. Every time I look at him just for a short moment, he immediately looks away like he wants to avoid looking me in the eye again. There must be something about me that he does not like and I need to know what that is.

"What is it?" I speak up and he raises his head.

"What?" He seems confused but maybe he just acts like he is confused.

"What is it that you don't like about me?" I ask again to make my question clear.

"Why do you think that there is something about you that I don't like?"

"Isn't there?"

"No."

"But why are you not talking to me and seem like you don't want to look at me?" I say. He looks down struggling to find an answer for that.

"There is one thing that I don't like." He mumbles.

"And what is that?"

"The way you look." He says while still looking down.

"What? You don't like my look?" I say and something inside of me is disappointed. All the time I was so sure that he would like me and now he tells me this.

"I do like your look." His words just confuse me even more.

"But you just said-" I start but he interrupts me.

"I love the way you look but I wish you wouldn't look so pretty." He says.

"I don't understand."

"I want you but I know that I can't have you." He finally looks up at me. It must break him. I broke him with this lie about my relationship. I don't say anything but I stand up and sat down next to him. I want to tell him that I lied but I can't.

"To be fair I look kind of messy now that we are here." I try to joke.

"You still look amazing." He just goes on with his complements. I don't know what it is that stops me from just accepting my feelings.

"Joe please." I say under my breath.

"I can't keep pretending that I don't want you because I do." His voice gets more quiet.

"No stop it." I say and move away from him. I don't want him to talk to me like this even though I share his thoughts. I feel the same. I want the same. I pretend that I love another man when the man that I want the most is sitting right in front of me. I decide to leave. It is cold and snowing outside but I don't care. I just want to be alone.

"You can't go outside. Its too cold." Joe tries to stop me but I don't want to listen to him.

"I think I can decide that on my own. I want to be alone now." I say and continue leaving the plane. When I step outside the snow is falling from the sky in millions. It is also windy and the snowflakes get blown into my face. I wrap my arms around my body trying to warm myself a bit. It is cold but I don't care about the cold. I walk around the plane and lean against it in the back.

I really try to understand my own thoughts right now. I know that there are feelings for Joe in my heart. I want him just as much as he wants me and I know that. My heart knows that. But another part of my body doesn't know it and stops me. I still hate it that I started that lie. If I haven't lied to him in the first place everything would be different now. It is my fault that I can't have him.
While I think about all this, I feel how it's getting more cold around me. My hair already is wet and starts to freeze. I see my breath but not much more. My view gets more dizzy with every minute and I feel exhausted. The cold really pulls the energy out of my body and I can't stop it until it took all of my energy and I close my eyes.

I open my eyes again and I'm not outside anymore. I'm in the plane again laying on the floor and being covered with several blankets and sweaters. How did I got here? I look at my hand and see Joe holding my hand. He sits next to me and is holding my hand the entire time. When he recognized that I woke up, he immediately looks down at me.

"Oh god you are awake. Are you alright?" He asks.

"What happened? How did I came here?"

"You didn't come back so I went outside and looked for you. You were laying behind the plane so I carried you inside and tried to warm you. I told you not to go outside. You almost died." He is almost screaming but still holding my hand.

"Would that be that bad? I just make you feel bad." I say with a still shaky voice.

"What? Are you kidding me? You are the only reason why I'm not going crazy here." He lay next to me and lay my hand on my stomach while still holding it.

"Well, you saved my life so I'm grateful for that."

"I guess I did." He whispers and raises his head. He leans over my body and I think my heart stopped for a moment. His face is right over mine and he slowly comes closer to my face. I try not to freak out when I feel his breath at my skin. His nose touches my nose and I really have a hard time to control my breathing in this moment.

"Just tell me to stop and I will stop." He whisperers again as his lips are just millimeters away from mine. I can't say anything, I can't stop him and I don't want to stop him. I feel how he squeezes my hand and closes his eyes. I look at his lips a last time and then I make a tiny move up so our lips touch each other in a kiss.