Take me away

Doubts

I feel like I look at him in a different way since he told me about his girlfriend. I just couldn't help it but I feel bad for him every time that I see him. I don't want to but still I do. I'm not even sure what I am for him anymore. I always thought that he would like me for me but now I always have to think about that he may just use me as some kind of pain relief. When he told me that I look almost the same as his girlfriend, I feel like it was a confirmation for that. It has to feel weird when the guy that you like, tells you that you look like his dead girlfriend. Maybe he meant it as a compliment but he just gave me a weird feeling with that. For the first time in days I don't feel the constant desire to kiss him.

We are planning to leave the plane today and try to go through the mountains to find anything that can rescue us. I stand outside the plane and just look around while I hear Joe in the plane. He is searching for some backpacks to pack at least a few things that we can find or that can help us. I don't know if I'm supposed to help him. I just stay here and think about what he told me. I think about that all the time and I can't stop even though I want to. I don't think that he is aware of how much I think about that because I feel like nothing changed for him. It's not like that we kiss and cuddle the entire time but we definitely share a bit more body contact every day.

As I stand there for a few more minutes, I suddenly feel Joes arms wrapped around me from behind. I wince for a moment because of the sudden touch. I turn my head to the side and see him smiling at me.

"You scared me." I slightly laugh. He lays his chin on my shoulder and pulls me back a bit more so my body is leaning against his.

"I'm sorry." He whispers and places a gentle kiss to my neck. It is the first time that he kisses me there and I have to admit that this even feels better that the kiss on the lips. I have to close my eyes for a second. I think I got goosebumps but I don't want him to notice that.

"I packed some things in a backpack. You can go and look if I forget anything so we can go today, okay?" He says. I just nod and mumble something to agree. He still doesn't let go from me. He is sweet today. Actually he is sweet every day but I never told him that. Maybe I should tell him how I feel about him. I think he knows so I don't have to tell him.

"Do you know how I feel about you?" I ask him but I feel like this is a strange question.

"I don't know. I think I do, I hope I do but you can always tell me." He says with a rather quiet voice.

"You know, I'm not really used to guys like you."

"Guys like me?"

"Sweet guys." I say and I feel how he moves his arms up a bit.

"Wasn't your husband sweet?" I don't expect him to ask me that so I struggle a bit to answer.

"I thought he was sweet when I met him but now that I met you I know that he wasn't." Joe is far better than every man I have ever known.

"I really want you to like me." He laughs.

"You succeed at that." I say and turn my head to the side. I see his smile and how he wants to spin me around to kiss me. I don't let him do that. For the first time I resist his kiss just because I have that thought of him just seeing his girlfriend in me.

"What?" He asks me and I see how he is totally confused by my reaction.

"I can't do this." I step back from his body and his face gets more confused. I see that he has no idea what he did wrong.

"You can't do what?"

"This here with you."

"But why? Did I do something wrong?" He asks.

"No it's in my head." I try to say to avoid telling him what it is about.

"Can you tell me?" He keeps asking and I think I have no choice but to tell him.

"Do you just like me because of the way I look?" I ask him. I hope that it isn't true.

"What?"

"Because I feel like you do."

"No of course not. You look beautiful but I love you for more that just your look." He says. He said it again. He loves me.

"Since you told me that I look like your girlfriend, I always think about that you just like me so much because I remind you of her."

"You remind me of her. That is true. But you are not the same person as her. There are so many parts that are different about you and I love that. I don't want you to be the same as her." He says and he really gives me a good feeling with his words.

"You love me for me?" I want him to say it again.

"I do." He agrees and now I make a step forward. Before he could even do any move I place a quick kiss on his lips. As our lips left each other, I see what a big smile he has on his face. I try to hide my smile with biting my lip but it doesn't work. I can't help to smile every time I see him smile.

"I will check what you packed now." I finally come back to his original question.

I go inside and look into the bags that he packed. I don't really expect to find anything missing because there were so less things that it is almost impossible to forget anything. As expected he packed everything. When I look up I see him standing in the door. He probably was staying there the entire time.

"Did I forget anything?" He asks.

"No. I don't think so."

"Good, so we can go?" He says and picks up one bag.

"You want to go now?" I ask again even though it is clear that he wants to go.

"Yes, how long do you want to wait?" He says and he is right.

"You are right. Let's go."

We go outside with our backpacks and I turn to look at him.

"Which way should we go?" I ask since I still don't really get his plan.

"There is this mountain. We just go in this direction. Always straight up to that mountain. We can always see that." He says and points in the distance.

"And then we will find something you think?" I just can't see how we should go all this way.

"This is our only chance. Come on." He says and holds out his hand for me. I resist for a short moment but I know that there is no other way. I take his hand and let him lead me.