My Devil

Chapter 5

Matt had spoken to projected versions of both Fisk and his father before. Well aware they were nothing more than inside his mind; at best a sort of very realistic mirage, at worst a hallucination. As a boy, the imagined conversations with this father had been somewhat of a comfort although they often ended in an argument as young Matt struggled to comprehend his loneliness in the world. More recently Fisk had entered his mind, a devil on his shoulder if you like, whispering and teasing in his ear all the things he would do to the people Matt loved.

Matt slumped down on the bench in the long-forgotten gym, taking his hat off he sighed and ran his hand through his hair in frustration. Had he been... normal... had you been around he would have run to you looking for the love your arms offered and he would have let you hold him until his mind ran smooth, and you would have given him the words he needed at that moment. But he had gone and pushed you away and there was no warm comfort anymore. Only the illusion of his father stood by the lockers behind him. "I guess you know everything now Matty"

"Everything I need to" Matt replied bluntly "eh, it doesn't change a goddamn thing." Jack remained silent and Matt threw his hat across the room; he had let out his anger, father Lantom had gotten a lot of it and a wall had seen a solid punch or two. But now he was almost numb.

"It was a shitty way for you to find out; about your mother," Jack said as if it was almost an apology and Matt began rummaging in the lockers looking for something that could be considered "clean" clothes. "Yeah, and you should have told me" Matt still refused to face the direction of his father's voice behind him. "Maybe I promised her I wouldn't?" Jack offered. Matt knew in the back of his mind he'd get no answer, this illusion of Jack only knew what Matt knew but he didn't care. "That's no excuse. "

"Yeah... I know kid. But after I took that bullet, Maggie had years to tell you the truth and she didn't. That wasn't my choice, that was hers"

"You both lied. You both left." Matt took a hammer and with a heavy swing bust open the next locker Jack's voice was growing impatient as he half yelled "I never left you"

"You didn't go down in that fight like you were supposed to; knowing they would kill you for it"

"I did that for you, so you would know what your old man is made of"

"My old man chose his ego over a lifetime with his son, that's what I know"

"It wasn't ego, it was living up to a code. Being a man. It means loving the feel of my fist in someone else's face, it means waiting for them to hit the ground and knowing that I put them there. And yeah okay, maybe I put that at the top of my list, and maybe it cost me everything including you, but you do the same thing" Jack's speech was admirable and hit home to Matt as he pulled out a set of long ropes from a locker, perfect. "You'll do the same thing to Y/N."

Matt's head snapped around faster than he could move to face the invisible voice that only he could see, and stood tall. "Don't you dare say that name" he spat through gritted teeth "I am nothing like you and I would never leave her like you left me"

"Yeah sure, but she's gone and you're here telling yourself it's fine because you didn't kill anyone. There's something wrong with us, and we don't get happily ever after." Matt turned his back on his father once more as he began to bind his hands with the ropes, shaking a little with anger as he did so. "I'm not like you dad" Matt sighed sitting down, he was suddenly exhausted; too much rage, too much emotion. Just tired and numb. "I don't throw fights, I don't let everyone else suffer because of some bullshit code. And when I get to Fisk, I'm gonna kill him. I will make Y/N safe. I will make everyone safe."

It wasn't until night had fallen outside, not that Matt could really tell, and a strange golden light trickled into the still dark gym room where Matt had spent the best part of two hours steadily beating up an old punching bag, that Jack spoke again. Nadeem had called, leading to something that Matt knew was almost 100% a trap and Matt sat on the bench once more, steadying his breathing as he began to tie ropes around his fingers. "You're not falling for that are you?" Jack asked from behind Matt, there was a tone of casual in his voice like it was normal to talk to your dead father. "That guy, he ain't in your corner, not anymore"