ghosted

14

because of what i agreed to when i first came to the UK, i stayed a couple more days. at some point i just decided that it was better for me to just process everything later. i still had to film with matt, but through each video corey and elton made sure that we were filmed together or sent off on our own. i tried to play along and pretend that nothing was wrong but after a while every time i interacted with matt, it made it even harder to try and move on. i managed to get a plane ticket to LA so i decided to say my goodbyes to corey and the rest of the guys.

"well, see you guys back in LA"

"you're moving in yeah?"

"for a little while at least, just until i can get my own place"

"it'll be nice to have you around the house"

"you're just happy that i'll cook dinner"

corey smiled and pulled me into a quick hug, letting go 

"are you sure you don't want us to drop you off?"

"im good. i think i should be on my own for a bit"

they nodded and we said our final goodbyes to each other. before i left i thought about leaving my key at the hotel but remembered that all of my stuff is at the apartment. i walked out to the street and waited for my uber on the curb. it wasn't the most glamourous exit i've ever made, but it was an exit none the less. as soon as i got to the airport and made it through security i called mackey.

"hey, are you okay?"

"yeah, im flying out of london in about an hour"

"what happened?"

"matt and i are over"

"oh, oh?"

"i was going to tell him but i found out he cheated on me"

"i think i'm willing to commit a crime for you, just tell me what to do"

i smiled and immediately told her no.

"no need. elton is forcing him to do everything on his own so hopefully the spirit world does me a favor"

"i hope so too. whats your plan for when you get back?"

"im moving in with corey and the guys. just until i can find a place of my own"

"well let me know if you ever need anything"

"im sure i will"

"if you see anything bad happen to matt on tv or the internet it was me"

"bye mackey"

"bye lilli"

i hung up and continued on the walk towards my gate. i sat down and picked up where i left off on editing to pass the time. the flight itself went by quick leaving me at LAX's pick up spot outside. after waiting for what felt like forever jake finally pulled up and rolled down his window.

"welcome home bitch"

"nice to see you too jake"

i got in the passenger seat and gave him the directions to matt's apartment. we walked up the stairs and went inside, jake immediately asking questions.  he followed me around as i unpacked matt's t-shirts i've taken and repacked bags full of my clothes, accessories, and other things i thought were necessary. the only thing out of this that i wanted was a fresh start. matt can have the apartment, our car, and every last thing hung up in that place. it was sort of therapeutic leaving everything behind. i was excited to see the guys and be in a place that truly makes me happy. on the drive over to their house we got stuck in traffic, which meant i'd have to answer any questions he threw at me.

"so...."

"what do you want to know?"

he looked at me and then back at the road.

"why'd you call off the engagement?"

"i found out he cheated on me"

he shook his head in anger before driving slowly, his eyes drifting between the cars on the road in front of us.

"how are you feeling about it?"

"it's kind of hard to describe. i was planning on calling it off before i found out, so in a way im relieved because i didn't have to do the hard part but at the same time....i was cheated on"

"does anyone else know?"

"about?"

"any of it"

"the whole house knows about the engagement but not the second part"

"honestly none of the guys care, we all thought matt was a bit weird"

"thanks for telling me"

"i was trying to be supportive"

"it was the wrong time jake"

"my bad"

i smiled and for the rest of the drive we listened to music and talked about meaningless things. when we pulled up to the house i smiled, remembering all of the fun that i've had here. we got out of the car and grabbed my bags before walking inside. jake gave me a quick tour of the house before we ended up in the kitchen. he sat down at the island and watched as i looked in the fridge.

"whiteclaw, eggs, some bread, cheese, hamburger patties, and...."

"milk"

"you guys should really have more food here"

"doordash exists"

"so does cooking"

"thats why you're here"

"oh really?"

"yep"

"you're lucky i love you"

"i know, you're the reason i'm still alive"

i nodded and took out the ingredients to make some form of breakfast for dinner. i searched through the cabinets to find the right pans and utensils to actually cook. i quickly put it all together and put it on some plates. as jake and i sat down to eat we heard the front door open and i could hear sam and colby talking. they walked into the kitchen and stopped as soon as they saw me sitting at the island. i stood up and got a quick hug from sam before colby pulled me into one. 

"you're here! you're actually here....wait why are you here?"

"just some uhh.....change of plans"

he let go of me and looked at me, his hands still holding my arms.

"i called of the engagement"

he froze and almost smiled before feigning concern.

"what happened?"

he let go of me and stepped back a bit, closer towards sam. i looked at jake who shrugged and continued to eat his food. i rolled my eyes at my brother before turning to the guys.

"its a long story, but im just happy to be....done"

"well we're glad you're here"

"it's just like old times"

i smiled at them before i sat back down at the island to finish eating. for a while we all gathered around the island and caught up. it's been a while since i've felt like i was at home but being back with jake and the guys made me feel like nothing's changed. it brought me back to when things weren't so complicated and it feels so refreshing.