The Turn of Truth

• day nine •

Another Friday. But I guess I'm not exactly happy. And I don't want to not come to school tomorrow, because that would mean one less day I get with Alex. And not that in the I like him way. But in the we're-friends-and-he-needs-help way. Because... well, if you saw what I can see you'd understand.

I'm sitting in the cafeteria, across from Alex, in between Irina and Ray. Next to Alex sits Shane. Shane, Irina and Ray are arguing about some news they saw on the TV last night. Me? I couldn't care less about what they're talking of. I'm too busy staring at Alex and feeling sorry for him. He doesn't bother indulging himself in conversation either, but he keeps checking his phone. His eyes are unfocused when he looks up at me, and I smile at him, seeing if I can lift his spirits. He manages a weak grin. When I get up to drop my plates off, he follows me.

"Stop it," he whispers angrily.

I'm surprised. "Stop what?" I ask.

"Stop fucking looking at me like I've lost the best thing that's ever been mine."

I stare at him. "I'm sorry, but did you just quote Taylor Swift?"

He looks down at me like I've molested his puppy.

"Sorry, sorry," I surrender. "I just... I'm really sorry about Cara, Alex, and you know it. I just want you to know —"

"Shut up," he says, and pushes past me to go to the dumpster.

I'm left to stare at his retreating back and gather scattered emotions from every part of my head.

What did I do? Did I say something wrong? Shut up, his voice echoes in my head. Stop fucking looking at me like I've lost the best things that's ever been mine. To say I'm surprised would be the understatement of the year.

~

Pissed and embarrassed, I decide on not telling anyone about this little incident. But that doesn't stop me from fuming over it, replaying his raspy voice in my head over and over again. The rest of my day goes horribly, I'm surprised how one boy's words can have this big an effect for me.

Again, this is not because it's Alex or something. At least, I don't think so. It's not about Alex — it's about friendship and humanity and bitches and... okay, a little bit of Alex too. I have to admit it.

Obviously, Ray notices something's up. Not by the way Alex has been behaving, but by the way I have.

"What's wrong, love?" Ray asks as I'm sitting down on my bus seat. Alex usually sits with Ray and me, but I don't know if he will today. He's not here yet.

"Nothing," I think I say it a bit too quickly.

"You can't hide shit from me, you know that, don't you?" he pushes. He knows exactly what's wrong, though. And that's cleared when he leans in and says, "Something about Alex you'd like me to know?"

I look at him, my eyebrows pulled together.

There must be something in my expression which gives me away, because Ray's next words are, "I told you he's not as good as you think."

"It's not that...," I say, tucking a strand of lose hair behind my left ear. "It's just... I don't know..."

"What's happened, Cass?"

"He... well." I'd thought I wouldn't tell anybody. But Ray isn't a part of anybody, Ray is the best thing that ever happened to me. I don't know if I should tell him or not. I want to, but I don't.

"Cassie."

"It's nothing," I mouth, and Ray doesn't say anything, but stares ahead. I kind of know exactly who it is as I follow his gaze. Alex, of course. He's entering the bus. What surprises me, though, is when he comes up to us and takes his regular seat, doing his regular smirks and winks like he does. As if not five hours ago he was being an absolute arse to me.