stranger, soulmate, lover.✔️

the truth hurts the most

"I'll be better." Why'd you have to go and give my hopes up like this? Why don't you want to go outside with me and watch the rain in the cold? Why can't you get up? Your legs are growing weaker, weak like my heart.

  "You said that last week," I comment muffling myself into your touch. "It wasn't supposed to get this bad," I mumble to myself as your fingers wrap into my hair. Your dark ends tickling at my head. "You're my favorite." I couldn't help but crack with your raspy and broken voice. I didn't mean to show you this.

  Not like this, not when you're only a stranger.

  "Don't cry." your head moves up to my own. Our noses gently touch each other as you grab my wrist, you always grab my wrist before kissing me. "I told you- I knew you were gonna get sick." I could see the small dimples in your cheeks as you caressed my own with your thumb. "You're so pretty, how did I manage to have you in my bed like this?" I didn't respond. I couldn't bring myself to.

  I just deepened myself into your touch more, soaking in the atmosphere of a boy, a boy that I like the most. You looked me in the eyes, we looked each other in the eyes for a long minute. I didn't move when you reached closer to collide our lips or wipe my tears.

  I didn't move when you gave me false hope.

"I'm not sick, not of you at least. I just need a little rest. I love you, I love you a whole lot. I wanna make you mine. I wanna take you on a date with pretty lights everywhere in the dark. I wanna teach you hockey and glide on the ice with you in my arms, I wanna give you pink flowers and make you a fancy dinner. I wanna kiss you on a bridge while we promise each other nothing but endless amounts of love, together." I shut my eyes, tightly and thought about our nights sitting and talking.

  I thought about those lights, I imagined that date. You kissed me, soft and slow. So pure and passionate like it'd be our last. You kissed me, my stranger kissed me. "Then don't do it, please don't do it." I stayed under your arms the majority of the night.

  Crying and praying to whatever god there was to strike his mind into choosing me, me and you. All we needed, I wanted my stranger, I wanted him to want me too. Eventually, I fell asleep like that, right against your chest where my tears had fallen through your shirt, where my grip never loosened.

  Right there, right with my favorite boy. Listening to your heartbeat, your heart always beat so slow.

  I stayed awake on your floor the rest of the night and watched you sleep peacefully. You barely moved in your sleep, not even an inch. My boy didn't move the rest of the night, or the morning, or the evening.

My boy didn't move at all.