stranger, soulmate, lover.✔️

a lover.

I could see the look on his mother's face. The look that keeps me up all the time. She asked me why I was crying so hard, why I kept shaking, she asked me where you were. I couldn't tell your mother what happened, I couldn't tell her that I laid underneath your dead corpse.

I couldn't tell her that I knew, I knew you weren't going to stay. She dropped to her knees screaming inaudible words that I couldn't digest. I remember the way her footsteps sounded as they frantically trailed up those stairs. How she repeated "my baby!" How she kept asking you to wake up, to talk to her. To just open your eyes one last time.

I failed to save your mother, I failed to save you too. I'm so sorry.

I remember slowly getting on my knees where she sat. Looking lifeless, I remember the way she clung to my body. I remember how she yelled at your sister not to go upstairs, how afraid Lilian looked. I remember the police sirens.

I remember them taking your body and seeing my mom burst into the house in pure fright for her oldest son, I remember our parents finally getting to meet. How she comforted your mom instantly. I remember them taking your body in that stupid bag, i can't forget it.

I remember my mother taking me out of the police station that night. How angry she was at them for questioning me without her consent. I stayed awake that night, and the night afterward. I stayed awake at the windowsill where you use to stand outside waiting for me.

I sat staring at the brightest two stars there were. A tear fell. I stayed in bed the entire week, your mother came over and talked to mine. She asked me to attend your funeral. She gave me her favorite baby picture of you, she looked tired. Like you did before.

She looked exhausted, I agreed without a doubt. I hugged her. I told her that you loved her very much, that I was grateful for her creation. Police officers came to her house that night, they said that your death was due to natural causes.

Your mother thinks it was due to a weak heart.
Something deeper than anything that comes
Naturally. Something frail and consumed of
You, of us.

I agreed.

I couldn't help myself when I saw your body in that casket or your grave. I couldn't help myself breaking down when I saw your hockey stick and your skateboard or your rollerblades. I couldn't help but break down when I saw your jersey or the signatures on the back of it.

Your mother let me keep the red hockey sweater that you wore the night we met.

It helps me sleep better, if at all. It smells like you. I love you too, stranger. I love you so much.

A stranger, a soulmate, a lover.

- P.S Nova.