Our Lovely Nights (Original, English Version)

Mikhail James (intro)

They call me Mike. It's been a long time since I heard someone call me by my actual name.

It's been a long, long time since...

I can't keep thinking about it. I had to move on. I have to live my life. But yes, sometimes I question myself. Is it worth it? Does it matter? Is it important?

If I knew this would be my situation ten years down the line, would I have gone through this same path? But there are no what-ifs. There's only reality.

And my reality is being alone, as me.

When I started at the academy, I was excited. Excited is not enough to even describe how I actually felt. This was my dream. This is what I wanted. I studied everything I could. I learned whatever skill I would need. I made sure I am competent. I made sure I would do my job with excellence. I made sure I would end the bad guys.

Only, I also ended the rest of my life in the process. Wrong person at the wrong time at the wrong place. I shouldn't have taken my mask off. The moment I was identified, everyone I cared about is dead.

I've heard of it happening to a few people, but I would never have thought that it would happen to me.

I helped in the destruction of a drug syndicate over a decade ago. The mole. I worked hard on it. Worked on it for a few years. There are a lot of people we were able to arrest. Some were killed in various situations when they opted to open fire. They took it personally. Identified me as the inside man, the spy, the double-agent, the info leak... well, okay. They do have reasons to hate me. They have reasons to want to kill me. It was at that moment that I realized how evil some people could get. Within months from the incident, I lost my parents. Within the year, I lost my siblings and their families. I lost my fiancé. The years that followed made me miserable. I questioned my own thoughts. I questioned the importance of what I do. I questioned whether it was worth it.

But it was worth it, wasn't it? That organization ruined the lives of many young people and adults alike with their distribution of illegal drugs. Sometimes, they also dabble in prostitution. Other times, they even specially targeted students. How many lives have they corrupted? How many lives did I lose? Should I even...?

I sighed as I tussle my hair irritably with one hand. Being alone, I can't help thinking about it when I have nothing to do. This is why I keep myself busy.

But I've learned my lesson. Can't go building a relationship with anyone. They want me alone and miserable. Over the years, I dated women. One got serious and she got killed. I still haven't learned my lesson, then. I hoped I could be left alone. It has been years already. Surely, they couldn't be bothered to keep an eye on me. I thought it worked when we were able to spend a few months together. I had another girlfriend. And I might have been a jerk for not telling her my background. I only got her killed. It was then that I knew... they won't let me.

I can only entertain myself with flings, but I could never go serious. I could never dream of something I would never have.