Our Lovely Nights (Original, English Version)

Chapter 14 - Cara Taylor

During the first month after I last saw Mike, I was trying to convince myself. I felt the changes but I was in denial. It couldn't happen. I went through my work duties as normally as I could. I temporarily detested going out.

During the second month, I could no longer fool myself. Every day that passes, I could feel my anxiety building up. I figured it will go away once I confirmed it. I bought a few pregnancy tests kits. I used all of them, not relying on just one. Five out of five told me it's real. I am pregnant and I'm screwed. Through the weekend, I tried to think of what to do. I have a few principles. One, I won't abort this child. That much is set in stone already. I'm having the baby. As for the other details, those are what I have to figure out and soon.

Can I afford to raise the baby alone? For the first time in a long while, I reviewed my finances and my bank balance. When I was done with that, I went to research child care and how much it usually costs to raise a baby. While I was doing that, I found myself laughing like a crazy person. It's a combination of "I'm happy I'm going to be a mother" and "I'm screwed I'm going to do this alone". What happened to avoiding complicated stuff, Cara? What happened to a simple life?

On Sunday night, I went to visit Christan. I need at least one person to talk to. One who won't judge and one who is sure to support me no matter what.

He was understandably surprised to see me. He sent the kids to their rooms early. I stared at them as they go. They're big boys now.

"You never come unannounced. What's up?" He asked as he goes to his private bar, pulling out a bottle. It's practically a part of him. Whenever he entertains guests, he would have to serve them a bottle or two. I grimaced. I guess I can't drink for now.

"What's that look?" He noticed, and I decided to just come out of it.

"I can't drink. I'm pregnant." I stared straight into him and he visibly froze in his seat.

"What?" He asked, sounding very surprised.

"I won't repeat myself." I answered. I'm still not comfortable embracing that word.

We were silent for a while.

"Who's the father?" He asked. He stood up and started pacing.

"Someone I..." How do I even talk about my relationship with him? I paused.

"Boyfriend?"

I shook my head. "I met him for a total of three times."

"He's not taking responsibility?" His tone carried a hint of anger. I sighed and waved him down. I told him to sit first.

"I haven't told him yet." I admitted.

"Why not? Tell him." He was firm on it.

I stared at him before continuing, "Before I agreed to be with him, he was upfront about it being no strings. I can't just go and drop a bomb on him."

"Cara..." I know that tone. He would try to convince me.

"He has his reasons. He can't take responsibility. I'm going to take responsibility." I stated quite firmly.

"Why don't you tell him and see what he does?" I knew he's going to say that.

"I know I should, but I can't bring myself to do it. Not yet." I think I also came to see him to persuade me.

"Just tell him straight up." He stated in all seriousness. I should hand it to him.

"No matter what he says, I'm here for you. We're here for you." He promised and I love him for it. I also knew he would say that. I smiled at him.

"Can I sleep here tonight?" I asked him. I haven't spent some time with the boys. I'm suddenly excited to have my own kid. Go figure.

It took nearly three months of pregnancy before I was able to bring myself to finally tell him. I opened my phone to see his thread. He hadn't sent me a message after that night. It was my reply to him that was the last entry. I figured he can't fault me for breaking my word about that. I settled myself on the bed before gathering up some courage. I sent him a short sentence. Two words. I waited for his reply.

"You're kidding?" He asked and I had to smile. I expected as much.

"No. I'm serious." It took a few minutes. He didn't reply. I stared at the exchange. Then, the phone rang. I swallowed as I saw his name. I swiped to answer.

"Tell me." His voice sounds restrained. I bit my lip, it's understandable that he's mad.

"I'm sorry." We were both silent after that, not knowing what to say. Finally, I decided to tell him what I thought.

"Look, I only told you because you had to know. I'm not asking for anything. I'm not going to ask you for anything. I won't go looking for you. I'm not clingy. You don't have to worry about anything." After a few seconds of silence, I decided to end the call. There. That's done. I can move on peacefully.

The phone rang again and I decided not to pick up. It rang once more before a message came in.

"Let's meet. We need to talk." I sighed after reading his message.

"There's nothing to talk about. I know you don't want this situation. There's no need to meet." I tried to be rational, although my heart is aching. I sighed again. I spent the next half hour convincing myself that I don't need him. I cried silently as reality hits harder.

When I checked thephone, he only sent a message containing my name. I could hear his voice in myhead. Then, another came as I was reading. "Pick up." I ignored it and tossedthe phone away before I laid on the bed. I was awake for another hour. Andthen, I was having trouble falling asleep. It's the right decision. I toldmyself.