𝙔𝙤𝙪'𝙡𝙡 𝙨𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙢𝙚, 𝙬𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝘾𝙝𝙪𝙪𝙮𝙖? | 𝙎𝙤𝙪𝙠𝙤𝙠𝙪

Chapter 1

Dazai pov

Tears were falling down the sky again today. The clear blue sky became dark and cloudy in a number of minutes. People around me we're rushing to get something to cover their heads or look for temporary shelter. But me, I slowly walked through the rain, completely drenched. I had no idea where I was headed, disregarding whatever was happening in my surroundings. I just went wherever my feet brought me with only my thoughts. Bumping into people here and there.

But I felt dizzy. I couldn't think straight. I was confused. My chest felt heavy... "What should I do?..." I muttered. It was cold... Of course there's the fact that it's raining cats and dogs right now but, this cold felt different... I feel like there's a hole in my heart. This lonely hole I have in my heart that nothing in this world can fill... The sight of one of my closest friends in my arms...dying was still fresh in my mind.

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Flashback 

(This scene is Odasaku's death. This isn't completely accurate, forgive me but I tried. I just added a few things to it TvT)

 "Odasaku!" I screamed. I ran towards him and picked him up. Sitting down, I held his head up
as he laid on the ground. I gasped as I looked at my hand which held him. Blood... there was blood on my hands where I held him. He was bleeding. "No..." I thought. "You're an idiot, Odasaku." I clenched my hands, shaking. "You're a complete idiot..."

 Another man's body lay in front of us bleeding to death. Or maybe he already was but that didn't matter right now. "Yeah..." he replied. "Why did you go along with what he wanted?" I couldn't hide my emotions through my voice. It was shaky... "There's something I want to tell you." "No! Don't! You might still make it! No, you will make it! So don't talk like-" I know, he's gonna make it! He doesn't need to tell me anything! I'm not ready yet and I never will be! So please...

 Odasaku all of a sudden lifted his hand and planted it on my face, sort of grabbing my hair. "Listen." He said. I gasped, widening my eyes a little. "You told me that you might find a reason to live if you lived in a world of violence and bloodshed." "Yeah, I did." I held him just a little closer. "But who cares what I said now?" I said confused. "You won't find it." I gasped once more. "You must know that already. Whether you're on the side that kills people or saves people, nothing beyond what you expect will appear." My eyes showed everything as he said these words. I was shocked, scared and other emotions I couldn't put into words because I never want to accept this fact and he was right... I already knew this. I feel like crying. "Nothing in this world can fill that lonely hole you have. You will wander the darkness for eternity." 

... 

"Odasaku... What should I do?..."

"Be on the side that saves people."

 My eyes widened as he said these words that would later on, change my life forever. "If both sides are the same, become a good man. Save the weak, and protect the orphans. Neither good or evil means much to you, I know...but that'd make you a little bit better." For some reason, I stopped shaking and I was a bit more serious and calmer. " How do you know that for sure?" I replied. "Of course I know. I know better than anyone. Because... I am your friend. I want you to be happy, Dazai..." He said warmly. "I see. I'll do that." With his last bits of strength he said his last few words. "People exist to save themselves, huh... How true..." He closed his eyes and let go of me, grabbing the bandages on my face as his hand fell to the ground. I lay him back down on the ground and walked out.