𝙔𝙤𝙪'𝙡𝙡 𝙨𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙢𝙚, 𝙬𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝘾𝙝𝙪𝙪𝙮𝙖? | 𝙎𝙤𝙪𝙠𝙤𝙠𝙪

Chapter 3

 I hid under the covers and dug my face in my pillow and screamed as quietly as possible so the brunette wouldn't hear me. But what?? I must've misheard him right?? I must be hallucinating then. Yeah that's it... All the events that happened today just must've gotten me confused. Let's just go get some rest...

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Chuuya pov

 It's been about two months since then and everything went back to normal with a few missions here and there. Last month, we attended Odasaku's funeral to say our final goodbyes. The only thing that changed was the fact that Dazai for some reason decided to stay over at my place almost everyday and spend the night there. Of course I was against it telling him to leave but since he was Dazai, that would be easier said than done. After a few weeks I simply gave up. 

 But that's not the only thing. Every night after I "fell asleep" he'd whisper sweet nothings in my ears and what made me happy was that it sounded like he wasn't lying. He sounded sincere. Every night, he'd also give me a good night kiss. Whether on my forehead or cheeks and sometimes, my lips. From time to time, I could even feel him slip into bed with me and he'd hold me. He was the big spoon and I was the little one. I thought "This guy is seriously getting bolder and bolder-" 

 But honestly, I didn't hate it. In fact, I liked it. I liked feeling warm. I could feel his hot breath on my head or sometimes he'd breathe into my neck while he was asleep and it would send chills up my spine. Sometimes I'd wake up to him facing me and his arm under my head wondering how we got in this position. But I'd just lean in closer and listen to his soft breathing and the sound of his heart. It was comforting for some reason. But sometimes I could hear his soft cries. I'd turn around and face him. I'd slowly sit up and gently lay his head on my lap while I wiped his tears and kissed his forehead. Telling him that he would be alright and that I was right here by his side while I wondered what made him cry. I felt like I was babysitting a child honestly. So I guess we're both guilty of doing something without telling the other. I don't usually do this. I'd actually never do this. But, this man makes me do the craziest things.

I've gotten used to it and I honestly, kind of liked it... I'm only not saying anything because I don't want it to be awkward between us especially since we needed to work together a lot. Plus, it doesn't seem to bother him since he always has a new insult ready for me whenever he comes over. He practically lives here! He had his own toothbrush, clothes and a bunch of other things. I even gave him my spare keys! From time to time he even helps me make breakfast during the weekends. Except after that one time where he almost burned my apartment- I told him to stop cooking and for some reason he did as he was told. So instead he decided to stare at me from the other side of the counter. *Sigh "Fine! Just don't f*cking mess things up again or I'm burning all your things." After that, he started cooking with me again but in exchange I got a lot of teasing on how I changed my mind because I missed cooking with him. In truth that was half true but the other half would honestly be that I couldn't reach some things on the top shelf and would need a chair. But I definitely did not want to do that while the waste of bandages was watching.

But honestly, I was quite happy with the way things were. I'm not saying that it's a good thing what happened to Odasaku but, yeah... I get to be with Dazai more. I got to know more about him. I got to see other sides of him I never thought I'd see. Most of the time if he wasn't annoying me to death, he would just sit on the couch either reading or singing something about su!cide. I was worried about him in the beginning but it looks like he's starting to recover. Despite how he looked and acted, he took his job seriously and sometimes brought some work over at my house even though he can work perfectly fine at his. I can't really do much about it so I just let him be. That was how it was now. I honestly didn't want anything to change. I like it like this. With Dazai right here by my side... Is this usually what you felt towards your enemies?

Dazai pov

Ever since Odasaku passed away, Chuuya has been giving me worried glances. I didn't want him to see me like this. I didn't want him to worry either. I tried my best for things to go back to normal. But I honestly didn't want to leave Chuuya's side. I wanted to stay with him a bit longer.

So of course being me, I decided to stay over from time to time. Okay, maybe not from "time to time" but almost all the time. But after a bit of convincing, I finally got Chuuya to let me stay. (Although I'm pretty sure he just gave up on telling me to leave-) This was honestly a way for me to show that I'm completely fine. I also wanted an excuse to see how he was doing... I don't know if I made the right choice or not. I feel like I'm growing closer and closer to him and if I did decide to leave, I think it would be harder to let go.

And at night, I got to say the things I could never tell him up front. I wanted to express my feelings and tell him how important he was to me. I wanted to tell him how beautiful he was and how I loved everything about him. I wanted to tell him how I wanted to hold him and that with him I never felt alone. I felt safe. But maybe after I tell him these things, just maybe, it might be easier to finally let him go.

And the kiss... Every night I stayed over, my body would move on its own and would do something I would never dare do while the hat rack was awake. I'd gently cup his face with my hands and even sometimes hug him. He felt so warm... I wanted to hold him tighter. But the fear of him waking up and finding out what I've been doing scared me. I knew he hated me already but hearing him saying it more seriously just might break my heart even more. But it doesn't matter, I thought one night. This will be the closest I would get to Chuuya for as long as I live. When I leave, Chuuya will be really happy... Anyone could tell that. Chuuya deserves someone better than me. But what if he liked me back? Could that happen? Who am I kidding? I never had a chance with him from the beginning. I know that. He probably doesn't even like guys to begin with.

I've thought many times before, what if I just ended it? What if I just ended it all? Chuuya would be happy. The world would be happier without me. It would be safer without me in it. We all know that it would be safer if I wasn't here. I already know that Mori is afraid of me and we all know how twisted he is. I know I'm a dangerous opponent no matter what side I'm on. Good or bad. If I go on the good side, there's a chance that I might go against Chuuya. In a real fight, I don't think I could ever seriously hurt him. There are a lot of people here in the mafia who would protect him in my stead if I ever left and I know, someone would fall in love with him one day and he would fall in love with them and they would take care of Chuuya better than I ever could. I think I should do that... It would be better like that. For everyone's sake.