The Mafia King

Chapter 21

Songs for this chapter:

Ordinary Life by The Weeknd

Come First by Terror Jr

Justin's Pov

I never knew exactly how you could fall in love, what it meant or how it worked. How could you possibly be so consumed and tied down someone that they are all you think about daily, they are constantly on your mind. They make you happy and all giddy just through sending some text that doesn't mean anything, it's a feeling like no other, the form of happiness just consumes you.

I take a long drag of my cigarette looking out over my Casino watching people magically rid of their money and soberness quickly. My thoughts and feelings have changed, I guess love does that to you too, it wills you to be a better person, also depending on the person you think you love is. 

It's like mist has cleared my eyes and I can see things from a different light, I can realise all these men taking these drunk women home for a quick fuck and chuck are disrespectful assholes. It makes me sick to think I had done the same thing over half a month ago.

Love is a very powerful drug when you feel it, but I mean really feel it to the point where time just slows down and everything in that moment is only you and that person. Nothing anyone says could tear apart the bond that keeps you together. It feeds you the way heroin fills the blood and veins of a thirsty addict waiting for the next dose.

There's love, and then there's love the difference is ultimate, real love shows no depth the way no man can even feel the immense depth of the ocean. It's like an endless hole with no way out, you're never going to be free from it's intense hold on you.

But of course you would think the stages to falling in love would be simple, but instead it just kills you in the most beautiful way. 

Instead of thinking about yourself, you always think about things that would happen, you could know them inside out the way I know a gun inside out.

I exhale the last of my stick of tobacco before stubbing it out into my diamond glass ashtray. I lean against the wall continuing to watch the drunken bodies swaying downstairs. 

Love can make you feel more at home and safe with that person than even being tucked up in bed at night with a hot chocolate. Patience, it doesn't matter how long it could take them to tell you something, you just don't care cause they mean so much.

Love can completely depress you and send you into a state full of not eating, not sleeping, crying and watching movies, but it can also do the same things but send you into a frenzy of sunshine lighting up your entire life. 

Love holds no boundaries meaning you could be so in love with someone while being on one hundred drugs depressed out of your mind, or you could be on top of the world wishing you could live forever with this one person.

I was more scared of falling in love than I was of being up in a gun battle with the Colombia Mafia. There's so much fear to putting your all into somebody with the fear that they can be ripped away at any moment, or leave you.

I didn't want to love Rose, not because of her, but because if she was killed or harmed or taken away from me, or said she didn't love me anymore, that would kill me. 

I can't have that kind of weakness in my life when I'm running a Mafia gang.

I can't have someone that would make me vulnerable. Someone who could be used against me by someone from anotherg gang.