dear violet ➳ andy biersack (currently editing)

15 - edited

______

chapter
fifteen
violet

______

After the emergency operator had finished asking me a string of questions and later allowed me to hang up, both CC and Jinxx had come over to investigate. They'd heard some of the yelling and banging and had mistaken the situation for a break in at first.

After kindly making sure that everybody was alright, and giving me a glass of sugared water to dampen the shock ("my mom used to give me this when I was a kid," CC had said, "I'd wake up from night terrors and the sweetness would always do the trick, calm me right down"), they'd cleared out of the bathroom to let Andy take over.

I'd been confused at their care and understanding, the gentle maturity with witch they handled the situation that could only have come from past experience. It was baffling, especially given the early hour, and I wasted no time in saying thank you.

My wrists itched and stung, but the blood had clotted and dried up beneath the bandages. The shock and terror, the mania and urgency was gone, and all I felt now was dazed, like I'd been left out in the sun for too long.

"Let's move you. One, two, three, four," Andy said, helping me up by my elbows.

He waited for me while I straightened my sweater and rinsed my face with cold water above the sink, shakily dabbed my eyes dry on the fluffy white towel. Then he was leading me back into the hotel lounge area, glancing back once or twice over his shoulder, brow furrowed.

"... no, I think she's more or less fine now. Better, I mean. These things just happen," Ashley was telling CC and Jinxx when I walked in.

The two of them were in their pyjamas, loose dark blue cotton pants and old band shirts. If the situation had been any different, I probably would have teased them for matching.

"Hello," CC greeted jovially, like he hadn't just walked in on me having a major breakdown moments ago.

I smiled, feeling suddenly clumsy and ashamed, like a kid who'd walked into the wrong classroom fifteen minutes too late. Large and awkward, ridiculous.

"This is Violet," Andy introduced me, moving around the coffee table to sit beside Jinxx on the sofa.

I followed suit, the shame in my chest bubbling over like broth in a pot. I felt like I'd committed some serious offence, stolen something precious or broken something big, and they were only being tolerant because I didn't know any better.

I found myself looking at them each in turn, thinking of the poster from my old room I'd kept rolled up in a duffel bag ever since I'd left my parents' apartment, depicting them and their instruments in front of a smokey red dye-splattered background, morbid and intriguing.

"I'm sorry I caused a scene and woke you up," I said earnestly.

Jinxx waved me off good naturedly. "Don't worry about it. We usually have to get up this early anyway, for sound checks and stuff. No harm done."

"You alright?" Ashley broke in.

I blinked at the question, then nodded.

"Yeah. I'm glad I didn't have to leave in the ambulance."

I'd been admitted to a psychiatric ward for suicide before, and had no desire for a repeat of the experience.

Ashley nodded understandingly at the same time that CC said, "No, I get that."