Welcome to The New Classic, where the past and the present merge, to form a new future.
Once that no one can see coming...
Join Angelo, Vanessa and the rest of the gang three and a half long years after that fateful night.
Lo kept count. V didn't...
Moodlist In A Sentimental Mood - Duke Ellington & John Coltrane
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Letter #0 - The Day You Left The Day Vanessa Left
Vanessa,
Almost an hour has passed since I wrote the last letter of your name and the first of this sentence. Another hour without you. Another hour in which you've put more distance between us.
That time was spent thinking. And trying to blink away tears. You know that today was the first time I cried since my pop's funeral? It's probably been overdue, but this shit is ass. Got my throat all swollen and shit. The act made me think about how many times I have caused you to be in this kind of pain.
Some kind of protector I am.
You are so articulate. And in tune with your feelings. I didn't realise what a skill that was until I tried to put the shit swimming around in my brain on paper. The emotion is almost to big to encapsulate. There's thousands of things I'd like to say to you right now, but the words escape me.
It's always been a weakness for me. Describing things. Telling people how I feel. I wish I had tried harder now. Maybe I'd be saying this to you as opposed to writing it in a letter you might never receive.
Hindsight is 20/20. Ain't that a bitch.
Everything is so clear now. Why it took for things to get so bad between us, I'm still trying to understand.
I wanna start by saying what I should have a long time ago.
I apologise.
I'm so fucking sorry, V. I can't quite quantify how sorry I am l for the way I have treated you. Especially in the last few weeks of our relationship.
I just wanted you to stay.
Ironic, right?
I'm not good at any of this. Not that this would be a surprise to you. But I'm willing to learn. I'm willing to do anything, just to talk to you. It's not even been 24 hours yet, and I'm already craving your presence.
I'm gonna do everything in my power to find you. I hope you know that and you're ready for when we do see each other again. Because I don't think I can live without you mamí.
I have this sinking feeling though. Everyone is trying to assure me that things will be fine, but this all feels very final. I hope for my sake I'm wrong.
Fuck. I'm doing it again.
This isn't about me. We have spent enough time thinking about me and my needs.
Is this what you truly want? To be completely done with me? Would that make you happy?
I don't know man. This shit is hard. Because how do I even have a shot at making you happy if the only way you feel good is to be away from me? I guess I have only one person to blame for that.
