Stray Kids Oneshots

Scars (MinChan)

MinChan one-shot

The nasty hateful comment during one of Chan's room kept swirling in Chan's brain, pushing him over the edge...

Luckily, Minho is here

I know I have requests waiting, I didn't forget you. In fact the Minchan request is being written.
But I'm honestly drowning with work, and was recently diagnosed with depression, so it's difficult to find time and all.
Hope you enjoy this one. Sorry for the long long LONG wait. I didn't forget you.

Tw : cutting, self-harm, self-loathing, angst

~ A/N : comments are highly appreciated ~
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Sitting at his desk, a wide smile on his lips, Chan happily looked at the camera and talked, shaking his fists in excitement and shyness as he explained to Stays different things. He kept going from talking to checking the comments, and playing some songs, his smile so big there was no doubt he was happy. It had been a while since he had been able to do a live, and the last one had been way too short and too rushed to his liking. After two weeks of being locked in his room because of stupid covid - he hadn't been sick by the way - he definitely felt free right now.

The love with which Stays kept spamming the comment section, caused Chan to blush and giggle. Deep inside his mind, he ignored the little voice telling him he wasn't worthy of that love, and focused on the kind comments and the million hearts popping on his screen. For an hour, Chan felt so happy, he forgot everything else. All that mattered was the live, Stays, the songs, the hearts... he wanted to give back all that love, make sure Stays knew that he loved them as well, and even if it was late, maybe he could stay a little longer... Yeah, maybe he would. Chan giggled at the thought, knowing perfectly well that some Stays would tell him it was late and he should sleep, and he found it cute. He liked that they cared so much, it made him feel warm and fuzzy, a small feeling of reassurance and joy blooming in his heart. It also chased away all the dark thoughts that always swirled in his mind ; it pushed away the constant feeling of self loathing he couldn't ignore by himself.

Humming a song, Chan scrolled through the comment section, hoping the feeling of his cheeks burning couldn't be noticed on the camera. He laughed and chuckled, replying to a few of them, his eyes sparkling with joy. It made him want to definitely stay even longer. A message from Changbin made him smile : it was late, and the younger was worried about Chan not coming back any time soon. Quickly replying a promise of ending the live soon, Chan smiled and kept going through the comment section. Everything was going well. Until his eyes got caught by a comment : "Ew I hate you", it said. Chan felt his heart drop to his stomach, blood draining from his face, tears brimming his eyes, and his hands started to tremble. It was as if the comment had burst the bubble of love, comfort and happiness that Stays had been building for their beloved BangChan.

And the voice became louder : that person had every right to hate him, Chan was a hateful person, who could love him? Who could love a person like him? Who would even look his way? Chan didn't deserve all that love, why did he think for one minute that he did? It was laughable how desperate he was for love, and it was a good thing that the comment brought him back to reality. The person was completely right, and he knew that, he really did. Chan started chuckling as he read the comment out loud, before lifting his eyes towards the camera, hoping Stays wouldn't see the tears that were filling them and that he was desperately trying to hold back.

"Yeah uhm, I hate myself too." He laughed. "I guess we have one thing in common..."

He didn't know why he said that, or why he said it this way. He only knew anger had suddenly taken over. He wasn't angry at the comment or the person, he was angry at himself ; his stupid, love starved, desperate, pathetic self. His heart was beating fast, he felt it crack, and it caused a blinding pain spreading through his chest. He was suffocating, desperately trying to control his breathing so it wouldn't look suspicious. Trying to ground himself, Chan held his phone with a shaky hand, and scrolled through the comment section, humming a song in hopes it would soothe him, even just a little bit, and would muffle the loud voice in his empty head, telling him how worthless he was.