THE ROYAL LIE // Young Royals season 2

Episode 1 part 2

Three days of sleeping, waking up, crying and sleeping again passed. When I wasn't crying I listened to the song Simon sang when I first saw him on my first day of school in Hillerska. Which led to more crying. It takes a fool to remain sane. What an irony actually. Cause it takes in fact a fool to remain sane.

I could hardly and very badly sleep  because every time I closed my eyes I saw his face and I remembered how his touch and his lips felt.

I would sometimes wake up in the middle of the night dreaming about him and then breaking down crying as soon as I realized it was just a dream again.

I also experienced this with Erik where he appeared in my dreams and we would talk or do something ordinary like eating dinner together or me just annoying him until he disappears and leaves me alone and awake in my bed every time. The week after his funeral it was particularly bad and I could barely sleep. The dreams with Erik have become fewer but I just dreamed about him yesterday for a change to Simons dreams.

It's quite amazing how Simon broke my heart with not wanting to be secretly together with me and with not saying it back and I still loved him with every broken piece of it.

"Well you actually broke his heart first with denying him and letting him battle the consequences of the release of this fucking tape alone, because you idiot left him alone in this after promising that we were in this together," I reminded myself.

Every time my phone buzzed I hoped it was Simon missing me. But it never was.

I didn't really leave my room in these three days. I just crawled out of my warm bed to go to the bathroom.

A servant brought me my dinner to my room after I refused to have dinner with my parents the day I arrived at the palace. Those dinners weren't really for family bonding, my parents mostly just talked about their royal duties and the schedule of the week with important events they have to attend. And since Erik passed away, those dinners have gotten even more depressing.

It was different with Simon and his family. The afternoon I visited him to "play video games", Linda made us some Latin American dinner, which was by the way very delicious and we all ate together. The atmosphere was so relaxed and happy. Linda asked us how we were doing and what we were up to. Unfortunately we had to lie on that point, but Simon was talking with his family about literally anything. They talked about current global issues, about some recent music release from an artist he has been listening to, about Saras horseback riding progress and about some movie on  television that day.
Everyone was allowed to have their own opinion, which was also valued.

I can't really express my own opinion with my family but if I do, they don't understand, or maybe they don't want to understand. They say things like "you are to young", or they just pretend like I didn't say anything.

Only yesterday I left the palace for a short walk in the garden. I needed to clear my head and feel the cold winter air in my lungs because I felt another anxiety attack brewing.

I was lying on my bed trying to distract myself with a book I had been wanting to read months ago when I heard voices outside my room. It was mom and dad. I couldn't hear everything they said because they tried to keep their voices as low as possible. But when they started arguing in front of my room door, they got louder and I could understand my father saying, "give him a little more time. It's not easy for him right now. He needs some time."

My mother snapped at him angrily, "He already had enough time. He should get over it and stop acting like this. It is now time for him to fulfill his royal duties."

I heard my father sigh in frustration.

Silence.

They were gone again.

I didn't really feel like reading my book anymore so I picked up my phone to check my socials. I haven't been on Instagram, Facebook nor Twitter since the tape was released. The last week I avoided any kind of social media. People can comment the most disgusting stuff if they feel protected by their anonymity. I didn't want to read any more of it, I was the number one topic of conversation and for somebody who can't really handle being the  center of attention it sucked even more.

But maybe they were over it.
I mean I denied being the boy in the video so it should all be fine and forgotten now, right?

Eventually I found the courage to open Instagram. After I scrolled a while: Nothing. There was nothing about me being seen in that fricking video. There was nothing about that goddamn tape at all. Huh?

When I wanted to check my DMs I saw that Felice had sent me a message. She was asking me how I was feeling today and told me about her plans for christmas tomorrow. She said she'll spend christmas with her parents and grandparents at home and that they already had a little fight about what the christmas dinner should be this year.

I replied with one simple lie. I told her that I was fine. I just left out the little fact that I felt like I cried about three litres in the last days.

She figured out that August recorded and released the video and she has been a good friend but I don't feel like revealing my feelings to her just yet. Answering honestly to the "how are you- question" takes time and trust.

Then I told her that the big  christmas event will take place in the palace again this year and that I'm anything but thrilled to go there.

Just like every year on Christmas Eve there's this big christmas party at the palace where all sorts of important people and relatives of the royal family are invited.
And I, as the crownprince, am going to be occupied the whole evening, with shaking hands with people, I don't know and don't care about with a big fat fake smile on my face. The years before it was Eriks job. I just had to face the most important ones. Usually I got away with only a little smalltalk because I was mostly hiding at the buffet and if I was very lucky I could sneak away for a few hours, before anyone noticed. Well I guess, I can't do that this year.

Because it was already getting late, I decided to go to bed. I would have enough time tomorrow to worry about the christmas event.

As I fell asleep I dreamed about Simon and how he joined me at the party tomorrow looking absolutely gorgeous in his tailored suit.

//

Who of you is already excited for heartstopper? I can't wait to binge watch the whole season in one go.
For those of you who don't know what that is. It's a new Netflix show based on the graphic novel series 'heartstopper' by Alice Oseman and it's about two boys (Nick and Charlie) falling in love. That was a terrible summery. Just watch it. I promise you will love it.