poem

of everything that was and is and may never be again

[2022]

He holds my cheek
I cannot sleep
He grabs my neck
And I can't breathe
One two three
I'm counting sheep
He wanted all this
He didn't ask me

I realize he isn't real
He's just a memory, a still
Behind my eyes, my mind, it reels
I can't decide just how I feel

The fear leaves marks upon my skin
And sometime time is time again
And sometimes I just sit and stare
Until I see her, she's right there

Her fingertips are made of gold
And he and she as it is told
He and she are one in the same
One in the same, there's no one to blame

It's just a thought
It's just a dream
Of all the things I couldn't be
Of all the things I'd never see
Of all the sheep I'd cease to free
Of all the time I'd have to chase
Of all the hands over my face
Of all my hearts and all my heads
Of all my fears and all my dreads
Of every time I lie awake
Of every pill I'd have to take
Of every song and sonnet I sing
Of every faded golden ring
Of every question I never asked
Of all the fucking time that's passed
Of every single lie you told
Of missing Polaroids when we're old
Of every love, and lover too
Of every story, me and you
Of everything that was and is

And may never be again.