What The Heart Wants (gxg)

Part 21

The rest of February seemed to fly by, and as it became March, small glimpses of Spring were starting to come through.

I had a little over two more months left at Crossroads- and I had to start applying to colleges this month.

I was doing better with my grades, and I believe it is due to Carolina's help.

I had been taking Adderall every school day for the past couple of weeks, and it was helping me concentrate. It was also making me jittery, making my heart beat faster, and making me lose my appetite- but I tried to keep that hidden.

At the end of the first week of March, my parents called me.

"Your grades have improved." my mother said, "Keep up the good work."

I felt myself swell with pride. I cannot remember the last time my mother told me I was doing good work. And as much as I wouldn't like to care- I did.

"Have you gotten a tutor?" my father asked.

"No, father. I've been studying more." I said.

"And actually handing in your assignments it seems." my mother said, "When are you going to start applying to Universities?"

"Next week I have plans to start," I said.

"Very well." my mother said, "We will speak soon."

Blaze and I had plans to apply to colleges this weekend. We were able to see each other twice more since Lover's Day- and sneaking around was difficult, but for her- I would sneak around the entire country for Blaze.

That Friday I was eating lunch with Samantha, Juliette, Violetta, and Carrington.

"So you're seeing Blaze this weekend?" Carrington asked me, softly.

"Yes. We are applying for Universities." I said back.

"I know this may sound like a weird question." Juliette started to say to me, "But what about Blaze do you like? I feel like we didn't even get to know her really when she was here. Like, I don't know what her favorite color is or anything about her really."

"To be fair, Juliette, I don't even know your favorite color," Samantha said.

"It's red." Juliette pouted.

"Well, Blaze's is gray." I said, "But I agree, we didn't really get to know Blaze when she was here. Even when I went to Prep school I didn't get to know her. But she is...wonderful. She doesn't care what anyone thinks. She is always herself, she can seem rough around the edges, but she is protective, strong, and smart. She's been through so much."

I thought back to her suicide attempt and everything she had been through.

"She makes me feel safe. No one has ever made me feel that way before." I added as well.

"You speak of her like she puts the stars in the sky." Violett smiled at me.

"For me, she does." I smiled back.

The next day I was set to go to the train station. I was worried Headmaster Ryland was going to start questioning why I was leaving so much- but many girls did during the time where we were looking at Universities, so it was not uncommon.

Blaze met me at the train station. She had on a dark blue sweater and gray pants, which paired well with her black hair and icy eyes.

"I've been looking forward to seeing you all week," she said, hugging me.

When we got to Upright's campus, went to the student center, where mail-in college applications were, and grabbed 10 of them- 5 for each of us. We were going to work on them in her room that night.

Blaze and I ventured into the town of Valoria for some dinner- we got some deep-dish pizza, which Valoria was known for.

We then got back to Blaze's room and sat on her bed, the college applications in front of us.

We grabbed applications for five schools- Raya University, The College of Raya- which was a smaller, more artsy college, Valoria University, Valoria College of Arts and Sciences, and the University of Lusovio.

Blaze glanced at my application for the University of Lusovio. "I have to be honest. I don't think I want to go to University in Lusovio." she said.

"Why is that?" I asked her.

"Vesuvio is a bit too...out there...for me. It's very art-based. I want to go into law so I don't think it would be the best fit."

"So, Vesuvio is out," I said, setting the application to the side.

"I don't want to make a decision for both of us." Blaze's brow furrowed.

"Please, I don't want to be in Lusovio either. It's full of hippies. Nothing against hippies, I just don't want to always be around them."

Blaze laughed, "You're right."

"Raya University is my first choice." I said, "Though I don't think I would mind Valoria University as well."

"I would prefer Raya. I want to be back there, I like it more than Valoria. Raya is a good blend of city and country. Valoria has less open land." Blaze said.

"I agree." I nodded, "I am partial to Raya."

Blaze and I continued on filling out our applications.

"I never told you." I started to say, "Carolina has been helping me out a bit with my schoolwork."

"How has she been helping you out?" Blaze looked at me. I noticed she didn't look too happy about it.

"She has been giving me some Adderall." I said, "I do believe it's been improving my grades."

"Carolina has been giving you Adderall?" Blaze frowned, "I knew she took it herself, she attributed it to helping her with her grades."

"I know it may sound bad. But I just take one Monday through Friday. It helps me concentrate better on my work. I will be able to stop right when I get into University."

"And then what happens when you are at University and the school work is tough?" Blaze asked me, "Are you going to keep taking it?"

"I haven't thought that far, honestly. But no. I don't believe I will." I said.

Blaze shook her head, "I'm not happy that you're taking Adderall. I know you can do what you want. But it worries me, Natasha."

"I am okay, Blaze. I promise." I said, putting my hand on hers.

"I don't want you to get addicted and for it to mess you up." Blaze continued, "Fuck. Why did Carolina have to do that?"

"It did seem quite random," I said.

"She is prescribed it but always has extra. But she does other drugs too. She takes Xanax to help her sleep." Blaze looked at me, "Please don't let her give you anything else."

"I won't." I said, "I can stop taking the Adderall. I don't want to upset you."

"And I don't want it to seem like I am controlling you. I just get concerned because I love you." Blaze said, and then her eyes widened, "Sorry! I didn't mean to-"

"I love you too." I said to Blaze, looking at her, "It's okay."

Blaze smiled at me, "I've been wanting to tell you for weeks. I almost did on Lover's Day, but I got too scared."

"You? Scared?" I joked.

"Ha. You're funny." Blaze chuckled, "Now come here and let me show you how much I love you."

I could feel the desire building up inside me.

I climbed over to Blaze and straddled her lap. She leaned in and kissed my neck.

"I love you, Natasha. So damn much," she whispered.

I love you, Blaze.