Carpe Omnia - cash au -

A Secret Place

Cameron POV

I miss Nash so fucking much. I don't even know what the hell I was thinking when I ended things with him. I think I was just so upset that he left me alone at UCLA and I deluded myself into thinking that I didn't need him. I truly did believe at the time that I had lost myself in him but as I grew older and thought about the years I spent with Nash, I realized that I actually found myself in him.

I can still picture the broken-hearted look on his face before he left, my heart clenches at the memory. It's almost a year ago that I finally decided to call him, I was so upset to realize that his number had changed. I can't believe how I treated him, I was young and stupid. The years without him have been torture and when I asked Matt for his new number, he refused to give it to me because he said that Nash is finally healing from the break-up.

I'm such a fuck-up.

I'm in my old room, I have so many amazing memories with Nash here and in his room. We were so young and in love, the best years of my life I spent with him. I haven't been as happy as I was with him since we broke up. I ended up dating Aaron for a little bit and that was a colossal mistake. I kept comparing him to Nash until he got sick of it and broke up with me.

I'm wearing my N chain and I have our promise ring on, I still have hope that somehow he'll be able to forgive me and we can live the rest of our lives together. There's movement in Nash's room and my hear skips a beat.

Oh god, is he here?

I peek out of the window and strain my eyes, it's definitely him. My body trembles and I know I can't pass up the chance to talk to him. He's been home to visit his mother a few times but for the most part he stayed up at Stanford and I don't blame him.

I gather my courage and head over to the house I haven't stepped foot in since we broke up. I knock on the door and surprisingly enough my mother opens the door.

"Oh, hi sweetie. I was just going to text you that we're having dinner here." She says and she always invites me to eat dinner with them but I always declined. But today, Nash is here and I want to talk to him, I need to talk to him.

I walk up the stairs quietly and when I go to his room he standing in the middle of the room just looking around. He has a box at his feet. He looks so fucking good. His hair is long, just how I love it and he's so muscular. He hasn't noticed me yet so I have some time to peruse his body. He still makes me feel so weak, I love him so much.

"It's really nostalgic being back isn't it?" I say softly and I lean against the doorway. His face is blank and he doesn't react at all to my presence and I'm so scared that he doesn't love me anymore, that he's moved on while I'm here still in love with him. I know I wasn't fair to him and it's selfish of me to hope that he still loves me when I'm the one who broke up with him. But I can't help it, I need him back in my life so much.

I finally have an opportunity to reconnect with him and I can't blow it.

"Yeah, I guess it is." He replies after a few moments of silence. I chew on my lip as I try to think of what to say that will make him take me back. His reply was so neutral and I can't read him at all. He picks up his box and brushes past me and I panic because he might be leaving before I can truly talk to him. I follow after him and I feel relief when I see him standing against his car staring off into the distance. He runs his hand through his hair and I know he does that when he stressed out. I hear him utter 'fuck' softly and I wonder if he's still affected by me and I hope to whatever deity is up in the sky that he is.

"You... changed your number," I start off softly and he nods.

"I tried calling you and the person who picked up was not you, they told me they just got that phone number," I explain and I feel awkward when he glances at me with a blank look.