Mummy, Daddy and Me

The truth.

Jess
I sighed and sat on the toilet, still half asleep. It was going to be a long day. We had tickets to the theme park, Carter, Phoebe and I, along with Ellie too! I was looking forward to it, I just knew it would be tiring. I've also promised myself I'd be big today. I pulled off my wet pull up, bagged it and flipped the bin open. I went to put the bag in but then I noticed a mysterious blue box. My curiosity got the better of me and I took it out, it was a Clear Blue box. A what? Why is there a Clear Blue box in the bathroom bin? The only other person in the house is Phoebe (that would need one that is). I looked in the box more and saw the actual test- oh god. Oh god. I picked it up, anxious for the result.
Pregnant.
Pregnant.
Phoebe was pregnant. Phoebe was fucking pregnant. I threw the test back in the bin, along with my pull up and went out of the bathroom. I got dressed as quickly as I could. I didn't want to be here- I couldn't be here. I walked down the stairs, as quickly and as quietly as I could- in an attempt not to be noticed. I reached the front door just as I heard Phoebe's voice and felt her hands slip around my waist.
"Where are you off to?" She whispered in my ear. I wiggled free, not wanting her to touch me.
"Ellie's," I mumbled back, sliding on my shoes.
"Isn't she coming here? Ready to leave at 9?"
"What?" I said, looking up at her. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't stop the horrible feeling of betrayal. She won't want me when she has an actual baby.
"The theme park? Did you forget, baby?" she teased. I shook my head and looked down. I wasn't going. Ellie wasn't going.
"Erm. No, no I didn't forget. Ellie can't go- she's erm, she's sick. I'm going to go over and look after her. You and Carter can go though," I said, opening the front door.
"What do you mean? You can't just not come! We've paid for you both!"
"I can't help it if Ellie is ill can I!" I replied, angrily. I slammed the door behind me and sped off towards Ellie's house, it was only around the corner.

I banged on her front door and heard her scrambling on the other side. Alex was at work today so I knew he wouldn't be there.
"WHAT?!" Ellie screamed, opening her door. However, upon seeing my hurt expression and teary face, she softened and opened the door more.
"What's happened?" she asked again as I broke down into inconsolable tears. They won't want me anymore.

"Jess. You have to talk to them, this isn't something you can brush under the carpet. This isn't something you can be stubborn about- you have to talk to them," Ellie demanded once my tears had calmed down.
"No, I can't Ellie!" I replied, getting angry again.
"And why can't you?"
"Because I just can't. It's stupid anyway."
"Jess! If it was stupid, you wouldn't be here crying at my house on a day we've both been excited about for ages!"
"I'm not going to that stupid theme park with them!"
"Is that your new favourite word today? Stupid? You know what. You're acting stupid. You don't want to go? Fine- I'm going." At that, Ellie got off her seat and went upstairs to finish getting ready. I groaned and put my head on the table. Why was this happening? I cried softly to myself.

Phoebe
I had absolutely no idea why Jess was upset. I had done nothing noticeably wrong and even when I had, she'd tell me at least. I texted Ellie, telling her to get well soon and climbed into bed with Carter.
"Weren't you getting ready?" he mumbled, wrapping a heavy arm around my waist.
"Apparently, we aren't going anymore," I sighed, snuggling into him.
"Wha" he sat up and I whined, reaching for him.
"Jess is having a hissy fit. Something about Ellie being sick, she walked out this morning."
Just then, my phone started ringing. It was Ellie.
"Hey, you okay?"
"No. Jess doesn't want to go to the theme park but I do and-and she won't stop crying and being angry and I don't know what to do," she began to sob.
"Hey, hey, it's okay baby." I sat up in bed and got my shoes on. "Do you know why she's upset?"
"Mhmm."
"Can you tell me bubba? Carter and I are coming over now."
"Phoebe," she cried more. "She knows you're pregnant." My heart stopped. Carter stopped too and shot me a look of 'oh my god'. Carter knew. I knew. That was it! Jess wasn't meant to know.
All my life, I've been told that I wouldn't be able to carry a child. I'm perfectly capable of getting pregnant but carrying one was more difficult. Impossible in fact. Carter and I had an appointment to abort as soon as we could as physical miscarriage was painful and upsetting. Jess wasn't meant to know at all as I knew her reaction would be completely all over the place.
"Phoebe? Are you there?"
"Yeah. I'm here. Listen Ellie, can you calm Jess down for me? She just needs a cuddle and I think you do to. We'll be there soon," I hung up and looked to carter.
"We explain everything. No tiptoeing around it. Understood?" he said sternly. I gulped and nodded. I'd never told Jess any of this. She never needed to know.

It was something I really struggled to accept when I was young but as I'd grown up, I learnt to get over it. When I met Jess, she satisfied my need for a child anyway. I wouldn't be able to cope with an actual child at the same time. This was something Carter and I discussed at the very start of the relationship and he'd always been 100% supportive. He loved Jess just as much as his own now anyway!

"You have seriously never told her?" Carter groaned, getting into the car.
"I've never needed to! It's not like she could get me pregnant!" I replied.
"You could have fucking mentioned it." He grumbled. I rolled my eyes as we drove to Ellie's. It wasn't even far though. I got straight out of the car and into the house, not bothering to knock.
I could hear Jess crying instantly- I heard her shouting too.
"Why would you call them?"
"Because you need them!"
"They don't need me, Ellie so what's the point!"
I walked into the kitchen and Jess looked at me with a mixed expression. She seemed to be angry but so, so lost too.
"Of course we want you," I told her. My voice was weak, I hurt her.
"That's bullshit." She mumbled. Her eyes dropped to the floor.
"It's not, Jess, baby it's not." I took a step towards her and she took a step back. "It's not going to happen."
"But it's true. You are pregnant." She practically spat it at me.
"Yes." My heart sank but I tried to speak again before she interrupted me.
"Then what the fuck am I meant to do about it?"
"I can't carry kids, Jess." I told her.
"How do you know?"
"Because it's not the first time I've been pregnant. Please can we sit down and I'll tell you all about it?" She shook her head and wrapped her arms around herself.
"You can tell me here."
I took a deep breath and began explaining the first time I got pregnant at sixteen and miscarried. The doctors did investigations and realised my uterus is too small. It's got problems, it doesn't grow with the children so they die. I can't carry kids past the right age. I told her how I tried again at twenty and the same thing happened. When I got pregnant again at twenty two, this time by accident, it happened again.
"So there's going to be no baby?" She mumbled afterwards, looking at me. She was blurry through my tears.
"No baby." I confirmed. She only nodded and walked past me, out of the house. I followed her, as did Ellie and Carter and she climbed into the car. She put her belt in and waited. Fuckssake.

We all watched her and then a few moments later, she stuck her head out of the window:
"are we going to the theme park or not?".