Mummy, Daddy and Me

Grief is a weird thing pt.2

Jess

It had been a week since we found out the news about Phoebe's dad and other than to go to the bathroom, she hadn't stepped foot out of bed. We'd all tried to get her up, well Carter and I. But she was so sad- empty almost. I had hardly been little and my body was feeling it but I didn't dare put any pressure on her with my little self. I knew little Jess would struggle to understand and what more attention than she's able to give at the minute and I didn't want to put that on her.

"Hey you," Ellie mumbled, crawling into my bed beside me. I smiled and moved over for her and switched off my phone. 
"Hi," I mumbled back. It was still only early and Carter was with Phoebe right now. 
"How you feeling?" She asked, snuggling into my side and wrapping her arms around me. I held her close and made sure she was all covered up and warm. 
"I'm okay." I told her softly. She looked up at me with her eyebrows furrowed. 
"I know you're lying," she smirked. I smiled slightly. 
"Not lying. I am okay, I just feel all- " I paused, trying to find the right word. "Helpless and claustrophobic." 
"Why claustrophobic?" 
"Because I can't be little but little Jess only ever wants her. She can't handle it." 
"I think it will help her a little bit, I'm going to be honest." She sat up and grabbed a blanket to wrap herself up in. She crossed her legs and watched me. 
"How so?" 
"Because it gives her a reason to get up. Right now, you've given her no responsibilities. You're letting her grieve which is fine! It's perfectly reasonable and she needs that time but after a week, she needs to start getting up again and eating properly again. Jess, she's lost a lot of weight you can see it in her face and she needs a bath or a shower." 
I giggled and nodded a little- she was getting a bit stinky. 
"So I should slip?" 
"I think you shouldn't hold it back. If you want to call her mama, do so. If you want to be fed, ask her so. How about you run her a bath or something and get in with her and then just be your playful self. She needs someone to force her out of her state and I honestly think you're the only person who can do that." I nodded and silence fell upon us. 

I think she was right. All week, Ellie has kind of avoided going near her. I think simply because she was confused on how to act and what to do. In the recent months, Ellie had relied so much on Phoebe to care for her, she didn't understand how to care for Phoebe. On top of that, this was the most emotion Phoebe's ever shown and expressed which is ironic since she seems to be devoid of everything. Ellie had been little but only with Carter and I don't think Phoebe even knows about it. Ellie didn't really rely on Phoebe as much as me and her bond with Carter was incredible. They read each other without having to speak any words and Carter was brilliant at understanding it all. 

"Good morning stinkers," Carter announced, coming in to our bedroom. Ellie giggled and I smiled. He sat beside Ellie on the bed and kissed us both on the head. 
"Morning daddy," Ellie mumbled, putting her head on his shoulder and Carter looked at me, asking me, with his eyes, on my mental state but I just shrugged. 
"How is she?" 
"She's talking!" He cheered a little. I smiled, that was a good sign. "She had another bad dream last night though and she's really quite smelly so we need to get her in the bath or shower today. Can you tackle that?" 
"I sure can. We made a plan," I giggled, nodding at Ellie. 
"Thats awesome! I've got to head into the office today," he sighed. My eyes went wide. He hadn't left the house all week, not even to go to the shops or take the dogs for a walk! I hadn't been alone with her yet. 
"Can I come daddy?" Ellie asked. 
Carter paused, he looked at me, studied me. "Are you going to be okay with her here?" I nodded slowly. 
"I think so. Can I call you if I need to?" 
"Always. I'll have my phone on loud and I'll let the person I'm meeting with know I may need to leave. Els, you can come but you've got to be on your best behviour for me whilst I've got my meeting- yeah?" 
"I will be daddy, I always good," she giggled and snuggled into him more. I felt a pang of jealousy go through me but quickly shut it down. This was no one's fault.