we were in the car today
talking and laughing
and it almost felt like before
before you hurt me so irreparably
before you fucking destroyed me
before we destroyed each other
before we were in shambles
i know i messed up
i could have - i should have
been better
i'll admit that i fucked up
but you fucked up too
you hurt me
i hurt you
we hurt each other.
i wish it was before
when we were good
everything was good
we were happy
we were consistent
you were my rock
i was your rose
we fought sometimes, sure,
but we were okay
you manipulated me
and i was okay with it
i would have let you destroy me back then
hell, i still would
if you would have me
i know, i know
i should value myself more
my time
my heart
my love
my attention
but i would have done anything for you
i still would
i was fragile
i still am
i needed you
i still do
i wish i could stop
stop thinking
stop wishing
stop remembering
you hurt me
you destroyed me
you manipulated me
and you manipulated him
and yet,
you get to keep his friendship
you get to keep his time
it kills me
as long as you are a part of his life
you'll continue to be a part of mine
i have to keep hearing
thinking
reminiscing
about you
and about us
