my coworker who liked marvel
and played the drums
and talked down to me
a coworker who was a ginger
and an animator
he took the longest fucking bathroom breaks
my friend who is gay
we used to date
and he treats me like i'm a real person
another coworker who had curly hair
and had freckles
i literally didn't know anything else about him
the boy my ex cheated on me with
who became my best friend
and then broke my heart
the guy who i connected with over instagram
we barely knew each other in high school
and then i found out bad things about
the guy that i work with now
with a glint in his eye
and a girlfriend of three years
someone who liked me
and, by the time i realized that i felt the same,
it was too late
a coworker i knew for a week
and was nice and funny
and is gone now
a boy who i was friends with in high school
who was one of my best friends
who took advantage of me and my trust
harvey and jake and nathan and dylan
and levi and jonathan and braden
and evan and aaron and him
i always have crushes
on men
even though i do not like them
i, generally, do not like men
i really never have
unless they are a celebrity... or fictional
but something happens
when any man is nice to me
i alway crush on them, without fail
no matter their physical appearance
or how nice, or not nice, they are to ne
or whether i am physically or emotionally attracted to them at all
it activates this godforsaken part of me
that only exists deep down in my soul
and forces my brain to see each of them through rose-tinted glasses
i have never had a serious relationship with a man
and i never want to
and, quite honestly, i have never really wanted that
but i crave their attention
and their praise
and their validation
it's probably the daddy issues
or maybe compulsive heterosexuality
but probably a bit of both
mostly the daddy issues
