Serenphoria

It's Going To Be Okay, It's Going To Be Alright

I'm trapped.
I just can't get out.
My mind holds me prisoner,
I SCREAM, I SHOUT, But nothing seems to work......
I don't know what to do anymore.
Is this it?
Is this my life?
They say to just deal with it, that everything will be okay but how the hell can I be so sure!?
Nobody understands me, I just don't fit in!
I'm stuck in an endless loop of self hate and depression every single day!
The oxygen escapes me, why have I forgotten how to breathe?
It feels like I'm drowning!
The sensation is way too suffoctating and overwhelming......
The world spins round and round, faster and faster
Is this it?
Am I gunna die?
I don't know! I can't even see nor do I even care at this point......
It's too much.
It's all just too much,
Is it getting hot in here?
This world is too big I don't get it!!
My body, my mind and my life in general is all just constantly full of fear, worry, confusion and uncertainty and it's too exhausting.

It's gunna be okay.... It's gunna be okay....
It's gunna be alright.... It's gunna be alright....

My mind is so big, full of all the things I create, my mind is my prison yet it's also my escape?
I'd hate to just see it all deteriorate but,
I just can't control it and I don't know why!
Am I weird?
Why am I so different?
I don't want to be like this!
I AM LOUD, I AM BEAUTIFUL, I AM CONFIDENT, I AM NOT AFRAID, I AM ME!!
I AM LOUD, I AM BEAUTIFUL, I AM CONFIDENT, I AM NOT AFRAID!! I AM ME!!
Or at least that's who I want to be.
I want to be proud and be able to love myself, But who even am I anymore?
How can I love and be proud of myself when I don't even know myself......
I just want to be normal!
I really don't wanna have to hide away behind my bedroom door any more.

It's gunna be okay.... It's gunna be okay....
It's gunna be alright.... It's gunna be alright....

It's like a black hole, it's deep and there's just no end,
There's nothing but thick suffocating darkness.
But I have to hold on for the sake of my soul and my goddamn sanity!
I don't wanna fall.
I don't wanna be trapped in my own toxic mind anymore!
I try to escape but the darkness just pulls and drags me back again and again and again and again!
This world is just too big for me,
I'm misunderstood, i'm a reject,
I'm just so so lost and afraid that it feels like I'm constantly drowning in my own mental flood and I continuously make mistakes and unintentionally hurt people without knowing the cost!
It's like my very own monster.
A horrible evil little monster that just constantly lingers on my back like some disgusting parasite.

It's gunna be okay.... It's gunna be okay....
It's gunna be alright.... It's gunna be alright....

I struggle to cope,
I struggle to live,
But still I really wanna take control of myself for once and win this fight once and for all.
So I never ever give up hope and I keep a smile on my face and remain as positive and optimistic as possible,
But it's soooo so hard when you feel all alone and the only people you can trust are a million miles away so you can only talk to them through the phone!
I look around and they don't care, they don't understand, they don't want me there!
They're all way too judgmental and I'm just a burden, so I just look down as they look at me with a frown.

It's gunna be okay.... It's gunna be okay....
It's gunna be alright.... It's gunna be alright....