Taste of Peaches

29

The nature of regret, its weird in the sense that when you first do the thing you regret doing you don't even realize your going to hate yourself for it. In the moment what your doing feels so good but when you really sit down and think about what you did, all you can do is sit with this constant nagging feeling inside of yourself. 

The second me and Leo had finished the first thing I did was call an uber to get myself home. I really didn't want to be there any longer then I had to if I was being honest. I think that the wort part about it was the fact that I felt so guilty.

I felt like in some way I had just hurt Alessandro in a way that made me feel physically sick to my stomach. 

I fell asleep right after I layed down in my bed, I didn't feel comfortable but hopped that in the morning I would be able to just sleep off the smell of drugs, vodka, and sex. To my surprise I wasn't going to be able to sleep this one off.

I woke up to the sound of an alarm going off next to me on the bed and when I looked down at my phone the bright screen practically blinded me.

I saw the an alarm for 6:00am to let my puppy out had been going off for thirty minuets and I had just woken up. fuck.

I groggily made me way out of my bed only to look at myself in the mirror and see the bunny ears I had been wearing tangled in my hair.

This really wasn't how I wanted to be spending my morning but here I was anyway. To be honest I was really fucking mad at myself and the only thing I could find to do was strip down into my lacy underwear and bra, before slowly stumbling over to the shower not even bothering to take off any of my lingerie and turning on the water to its hottest setting. Letting it wash over my skin.

Slowly sliding down the cold tile wall I caved in on myself and sat on the floor in a ball.

Before I could really stop myself I felt as soft weeps left my lips and tears streamed down my already wet cheeks.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck." 

I hated this feeling that seemed to be tearing me apart from the inside and before I could stop myself I screamed into my thighs, clawing at my skin with my fingers, in search of some sort of relief.

-

A notification on my phone brought my attention away from the lecture and to another text from Alessandro, it was the second one this week asking me if I was doing ok. I wasn't, but if I though that if I ignored it long enough maybe this overwhelming feeling in my chest would go away.

I felt sick to my stomach everyday when I woke up and then again right before I went to bed, It was nagging me to remember what I had done constantly never letting me do what I so desperately wanted. 

I wanted to forget.

After I got out of class my phone rang and when I looked down to see who it was from I saw my stepmoms name.

"Hi?" I said in a happy voice.

"Mia! How are you doing sweet heart?" She asked in a kind tone and I internally cringed as to why I was acting so depressed. Everything was gonna get better, I just needed to give it time.

"As well as I can be without you guys, why you calling?" I asked her and heard as she yelled something to somebody on the other end of the phone.

"I just wanted to know that you were still coming for Christmas break?" she said and I just giggled while telling her I would defiantly be there.

"Yaa, Alana there is no way I could miss that for the world." 

"Good, it wouldn't be the same without you. Even if you are in a entirely other country on the other side of the equator."