You Can't Heal Me-salvis

Sugar-coated Words

Cw: throwing up, drinking

--Travis pov--

Where was he? It was getting late. I bounced my leg and checked the time

1:38 am

He should've been home hours ago. I couldn't complain though, I liked the quiet of the house. I just knew he wouldn't be happy when he did arrive. My head felt dizzy, I wasn't quite myself.

"Why are you here?"

I wasn't really here. "I belong here," I responded.

"No you don't. You belong there." I looked up, my surroundings changed to wendigo lake. I was back in Nockfell, the memory of this place was hazy. If I looked around, some parts were unfinished. White blank spaces randomly placed around the image.

Why would I belong there?

"I shouldn't be here" I whispered

"You shouldn't be here" the voice echoed.

"Son? What are you doing?" He was here. I heard him behind me, I didn't bother to face him.

I didn't speak. I couldn't speak. The words stopped in my throat.

"You still can't face me. What did I do to get a son like you." He scoffed. I didn't feel his presence any longer.

Those words echoed around me. Whatever, I was used to them. It's funny, the more they're said the less they affect you. Sure, it used to hurt. It used to be the only thing I thought about, I tried so hard to be better. I tried to make him be proud of me, even if it was a lie.

But now?

I despised his approval. He didn't affect me anymore. He didn't affect me.

I told myself he didn't affect me. I don't want him to affect me. He was shitty, I've accepted that. He used me against myself. I know that.

"Are you sure?" Somebody said beside me. I looked over to the figure. "You're getting worse."

I knew there was someone there but I couldn't see them. I felt like I knew them, but they were still far away.

"I know, I can't do much about it. I'm getting better." The person laughed. It was a sweet, low laugh. My chest tightened, I haven't felt this in a while.

It was nice.

"Wouldn't it had been nice? You chose the wrong path." I looked out to the lake. I saw my younger self.

He was drowning, struggling, panicking. I sat and watched, I couldn't bring myself to move. I'm fine, he's not. But I'm okay.

The figure laughed again. "You could have been so much happier had you chosen correctly."

I was left alone, staring at the empty lake.

Maybe this was how it was supposed to end.

//

I heard something ringing in my ears, I couldn't figure out where it came from. What happened? I slowly opened my eyes and adjusted to the light.

I was sprawled across my bed, phone in hand.

"Woof!" I heard heavy breathing and whining. He jumped onto my bed and licked my face. I flinched at the sound and sighed.

"Okay okay, I know jeez." I pushed Bea away. He layed down and continued pawing the bed and whined. I groaned, I didn't want to get up yet but I had to.