Nick and Charlie // heartstopper oneshots

Panic attack

TW: PANIC ATTACK AND MEMORIES OF SEXUAL ASSAULT

Charlie poked Nick in the shoulder and his boyfriend woke up with a startle.
"It's three in the morning Char, what are you doing" he grumbled with a yawn

"Nick, I think I'm having a panic attack". Nick was suddenly fully awake, looking at his boyfriend.

Charlie's breathing was hitched and he looked like he was going to fall apart. His eyes were full with desperation. Nick said something but Charlie couldn't hear it, it was like he was seeing and hearing him through a fog of smoke. It was as if he had suddenly forgotten how to breathe, it just didn't work. Air wouldn't enter his lungs.

"I can't breath, I can't fucking breathe" he repeated to himself. Once again he saw Nick trying to talk to him but Charlie couldn't hear him. It was like he was under water. All of a sudden Nick moved closer to him, trying to hug him. The wrenching gut feeling that began forming once his panic attack started bubbled over.

"Don't f-fucking touch me!" He yelled, somehow physically pushing his boyfriend away. Shit. Now Nick was going to hate him. He was going to get dumped and he was going to be forced to be all alone again. Ben really was right, wasn't he? No one could love him. There was just too much fucking wrong with him.

Tears welled up in his eyes. He probably never even loved him. He was pretending, just like Ben was. He was going to expose all of Charlies secrets to the world. He was going to hate his guts. Maybe even beat him up, just because he could. Nick was going to hate him. He had fucked it all up.

Memories of Ben flooded his brain, and all of a sudden he was back there in that corridor, all alone with Bens hands touching him. He started shaking even more and started full on sobbing.

"I'm so fucking sorry Nick, I didn't mean t- I'm so sorry, so fucking sorry" He kept sobbing expecting Nick to walk away. Leave him alone. He was going to hate him and dump him and everything was gonna be over. He felt like he was going to throw up or die, maybe both

It had all exploded so quickly. Just 20 minutes ago he had been sleeping peacefully, now here he was, shaking and crying. Probably bound to be alone forever, just because his brain wouldn't fucking work properly.

After another couple of minutes of apologizing and crying, the fog finally began to lift and he could properly see Nick. Hear Nick.

"Hey, you're going to be okay Char, I love you so much, you can get through this, I'm here for you,  do you need anything? A glass of water? Something to eat?" Nick kept repeating those few sentences, especially now that Charlie had started calming down a little. The worst of it was over and Charlie felt like a knob.

How could he have thought that Nick would hate him over this? Nick was the most supportive boyfriend in the world. Nick loved him, and he loved Nick more than anything in the world.

"You're going to be alright darling, I've got you and I love you so much. We can sit here until it gets better, do you want a hug now?" Charlie shook his head and finally managed to put a full sentence together;

"Not right now. In a bit though. Can you go and get me some water?" Nick nodded and practically leaped off the bed and into the kitchen. When he came back he had a huge glass of water with him and a piece of chocolate.

"I found the chocolate downstairs, you don't need to eat it if you don't want to but it might give you some extra energy." He reached out his hand and Charlie grabbed the water and chocolate. He proceeded to break the chocolate in two and gave one of the halves to Nick.

They sat in silence for a little bit and Charlie moved closer and closer to Nick, until they were hugging.

Charlie didn't want to fall asleep again, he was terrified that he would have another nightmare. Terrified he'd dream of the same shit over and over again.

At some point during the next hour one of them turned on a movie. Charlie didn't really know who did, his head was still foggy from the panic attack, luckily he was feeling better now.

The worst part about his panic attacks was how lonely they made him feel. It didn't matter who was there, he always felt like he had to fight through them alone. And then those horrid thoughts would come. The ones about how unlovable he was. The ones that had been placed there when he had been outed at school. They hurt him so much more than he'd like to admit.

The movie was about Batman. Probably an old movie, it wasn't the new one with the pretty guy from twilight, but it was just distracting enough to keep Charlie's head relatively clear. He clinged to Nick and gave him a light kiss.

"Thank you" he just said and Nick smiled at him, kissing him back.

When the movie finished Nick was fast asleep and Charlie smiled to himself. He really did have the best boyfriend in the world.