it was weird how we met, never had i seen her before amongst the crowded campus courtyards. it seemed like some sort of higher power had sent her to me, reminding me that life still had some happiness within in. her eyes offered what i had craved fo...
When I woke up the next morning, the record was still spinning within the empty dismal room. Arabellas side of the room went untouched, a text on my phone explaining her absence to a hook up. I pull myself from the bed, making my way out into the hallway and to the showers. It was hard to move, I hated when things got so bad that the easiest thing felt like the biggest challenge. the bathroom was empty when i'd entered, very rare especially with this building. i find my way to my usual shower stall, throwing my things to the floor and stepping in. I couldn't even stand, I sat on the cold shower tiles for a considerable amount of time before finally pulling myself up to properly shower. I did my best to repress the majority of the past day, not from regret, but remorse. i tried to not even acknowledge the text i received at the party. the anger id felt the night before had quickly crumbled to sadness today, unavoidable in my head. i had no plan of action, no intention of confrontation, i just wished i could go back in time and do what i could to better myself in hopes it would have prevented her from sleeping with someone else. I didn't know who or what to pin blame on, i didn't want it to be syds fault, i didn't want to watch everything fall apart this way. It just wasn't fair.
When i hear the bathroom door bust open followed by the voices of a giggling group of girls i decide that's my cue to leave. I pull my towel from outside of the shower, wrapping myself in it before quickly retreating to my dorm. My phone blown up with notifications from instagram, a tagged photo from an account i didnt know. billie had announced her new video, guess it was my turn.
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i wanted to see her again but i didn't want to fuck anything else up. I didn't want to drag her into the hellfire my life was about to become. this post was enough to make syd have a heart attack as it was, there was already a great concern that syd would bring billie into something she had little to nothing to do with. I pull a hoodie over my head then slip some shorts on, i did have a shoot later that day but it would only take about an hour or two. A no face bikini shoot for some shop based in LA with a flexible schedule. I couldn't let myself rot in bed till then, i have to force myself away from the bed and return to the bathroom where i do my makeup, just putting my eyebrows on before making my way back down the hall and eventually to my car, hesitating as i pass billie's hallway. I had a bit of an appetite, which was surprising for the circumstances, even though you are asked not to eat before shoots like these i decide to do so anyways. After ordering i sit in my car eating the below average subway sandwich finally feeling the warm sensation of tears running down my face.
"Fuck." i mumble pulling the overhead mirror down and examining my face, wiping the tears from my cheeks. I hate crying.
I pull out my phone, mindlessly calling syd.
"Hello?" she answers
"Are you home? i miss you." fuck whyd i say that. i'm supposed to be mad.
"Yeah, but i don't wanna see you today." id figured she saw the post already, her tone was already slightly aggravated and sarcastic. "Crazy coincidence that you get booked for that bitches music video huh, also really cool that you wouldn't tell me."
