Lost Girl || Complete

Chapter 34: London Rain

    Just as the metal beast reached the range of my screams, Pan shoved me out of the way, landing on top of me on the pavement. 

    His breath, mingled with the fear of death, felt so close. I came face to face with love and death so often, it seemed. 

    “I never would have killed you,” he said. Standing back up, he reached out for my hand. 

    I wouldn’t accept his offer of help, however. “Maybe not. But you would have used me.” 

    Pan retracted his hand. “I would have asked for your help to save Neverland. It wasn’t until after I brought you to the island that that changed, but… that’s what Felix doesn’t know.” 

    I considered his words for a moment then reached for his hand. After pulling me up, he simply held on… holding me, as though it was his last chance to ever do so. 

    And I thought it still might be. 

    “Tell me the truth,” I pleaded. “If you ever did love me during our crazy journey, tell me your side of the story. Yours is the only piece that’s missing now.”

    Pan tenderly kissed my forehead, begging permission. I granted it to him and kissed his lips with equal passion. Once our lips parted, the dreary London rain shifted to a steady pour. I despised the downpour for disguising whether the drops on his face were tears or rain. 

    “I didn’t plan for you, Lost Girl,” Pan said. “That lost boy floating around London had already fallen for you; I just didn’t know it yet. But the first time I saw you in my court, I knew. And I was afraid.” 

    I clung tighter to his arms. 

    “I feared what Felix would think… that what just happened would happen.” Pan shut his eyes and breathed deep. “I was afraid of losing their loyalty in what they couldn’t understand. But my ambitions were never selfish when it came to you, Leona. I still planned to ask for your help… but I would have let Neverland crumble if you chose to say no.” 

    “Why me?” I asked. “You could have brought anyone else back with you.”

    “That’s just it,” Pan said. “It had to be you. Don’t you see? The spell requires the faith of a lost girl; how can a girl become that if she hasn’t seen Neverland - become one with it? And how can anyone walk the shores of Neverland without belief?”

    For the first time, I finally understood. “It’s because I already somewhat believed…” 

    “... and I wanted it to be you.” Pan’s golden eyes reflected more love than I'd ever seen at once. “Maybe someone else could have learned to fill the role, but I hoped with all my soul that it would be you who came around. And maybe… just maybe… you’d see who Peter Pan really was along the way. Not a killer, not a mercenary… just another lost boy.” 

    I kissed Pan once more, ignoring everyone else in the rainy streets of London.

~~~ 

    Although I didn’t know it at the time, Pan had run into my hut only moments after I’d performed the spell, finding me passed out on the ground. “Leona!” He rushed to my side, kneeling in pure fear. Tears dripped from his eyes to my unresponsive face.

    “C’mon, lost girl,” he begged through frantic shaking. “Don’t leave me, not like this.”

    A true murderer doesn’t cry when he thinks his victim has fallen dead. 

    After pausing to take my pulse, he sighed in relief. “You had no right to complete that spell!” he shouted as though I could hear. My unresponsive lips were met by his quivering pair. Closing his eyes in silent resolve, he whispered, “You deserve to know the truth.” Wielding magic of his own, he joined me in my eerie fantasy, and so commenced the chain of events that transpired between two lost souls. 

~~~

    When we both came to, reality hit like a canon, leaving us with pounding headaches. I glanced at Pan, trying to cope with the fact that both realities - what we had just witnessed in London and what had transpired in the arena - were true and that he also carried the memories of both. Such things, however, are only meant to be understood as the work of magic. 

    “Are you okay?” he asked.

    I just stared, not sure how to respond. 

    He scooted next to me and pulled me close to his chest. I welcomed his embrace, feeling a rest from the confusion. 

    “I feel it too,” he said. “Visions were never my strong suit.” 

    I smiled. The attempt at comic relief, however, only cut the tension in the air for so long. 

    “Would you have let me die in the Neverland spell?” I hadn’t asked so bluntly yet, but I needed to know. 

    Pan breathed deeply, ashamed of the honest answer. “Maybe at the beginning… I wouldn’t have cared whether you did or not. But now, all I care about is keeping you safe.”

    The brokenness in his eyes told me he meant it. 

    A new worry struck my mind. “Will Felix try to kill me?”

    “I wouldn’t put it past him,” Pan said of his traitorous friend. “I used to think he wasn’t capable of it, but now…” 

    I placed my hand on his. 

    “All he wants is to save Neverland. Actually, I think he just wants to be loyal to his brothers. And saving the island was my priority, so…” 

    He’s still justifying Felix’s actions…
 
    “But he’ll never lay a finger on you as long as I draw breath.”

    I smiled faintly to show appreciation but couldn’t force the happiness for long. “What now?”

    “There is another way…” Pan said sheepishly. “I swear on my life, you won’t die, and your belief could still make the spell work. But now it’s truly your choice. I ask you with no prodding - I will take you back to London either way. I only ask… do you want to help us save Neverland?” 

    I thought for a moment about the risk. About returning to London. Is that even what I want anymore? Placing a hand on his cheek, I whispered, “Make me trust you again.

    “No,” Pan said sternly. “Trust is too much to ask. I shouldn’t have even asked for your help-”

    “I’ll do it.” 

    The blonde boy stared wide-eyed at my expression of resolve. “Why?” 

    “Because I love you too.” 

    Pan pressed his forehead to mine and let two tears fall on my chest. There on the wooden floor, we held each other and sighed under the weight of a collapsed facade. “Then I ask you one more time,” he whispered, “with a much different heart than that of the boy you first met on this island… do you believe in me, Lost Girl?”

    I smiled and whispered my answer in his ear. The boy sighed in relief, letting another silver tear roll down his cheek.  

    “I won’t pretend to understand magic,” I said. “But, if I’m going to let you do this, we’re doing it my way.” 

    “Your wish is my command, Lost Girl.”