A Self Absorbed Telling of Life

April 27

Today was crazy, today was weird. But surprisingly, nothing out of the ordinary.

When I woke up this morning, i already felt sick to my stomach. Which is normal for whenever I have a performance, even though i've been at this performing in front of people thingy for years now. It feels like a tradition, to eat significantly less before a show and then eat a LOT after it to makeup for the lost appetite. For breakfast I tried my best to eat a bagel, I did drink a lot of water today though. Which is good.

First period (Dance) didn't really help my nerves too much, bur practicing feels good on my brain. I'll explain that on another day. My teacher did say that we'll have a free(ish) day tomorrow, which will give me time to do this homework that i'm about to skip. Every time we do our "Bollywood" dance for this class, I get so tired, it isn't even that hard?? It's just stressful because I'm either laughing at how stupid I probably look or how my friends try to do the dance. Anyways, first period was a good start to the day. (As usual)

Second period was the same old boring class, we get an assignment, I complain about said assignment, my friend and I listen to music, I try not to get distracted, I get distracted, I procrastinate, I "do the assignment later." This class feels almost like an office building to me, boring most of the time until an insane peer decides to drag everyone else into something with them. Today, some kids (who definitely were not going to exercise anytime soon) took their taste with pre-workout.

Third period was surprisingly boring. That's it.

During lunch I annoyed Meredith and talked with my group about Heartstopper, comparing how far we've made it in the series. (Fourth series rewatch, read through comics twice, still waiting for updates, read the spin-off novels two days ago.) You can probably tell that i have way too much free time at the moment.

Fourth period, my ELA teacher scared me, and annoyed me. Just her annoying antics again, but I can't complain, I just want to keep my A average with her class. No matter how much i just want to.. walk out of her class, she's the one teacher I have that wants to help her students AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE. This would be fine if she was actually decent at teaching, but she's not, thankfully; we only have 23 days? I believe, left of school. (Maybe less for me, i'm missing the last two days.)

Fifth period was easy, my friends annoyed our teacher. (What else is new.)

Sixth period, we had a substitute, and we all threw bacon at each other. (Where the bacon was from, i have no idea, but it was funny so who cares?) Some kid also had a bubble gun? That was cool. I would like a bubble gun.

Seventh period went swimmingly, besides the end. I am a bit nervous for our upcoming theater tournament on Saturday, but I only have to prepare for ONE MORE EVENT.

I got home in a rush, speaking that I was already late for my call time. But I made it to the auditorium for my showcase only five minutes late. Fastest i've probably done anything. Ever.

The performance was more carefree than my whole day had been, slowly, overtime, i realized that the whole thing was less serious than i ever anticipated. That was good. When I got home, I ate dinner and had lemonade. Then I had cheesecake, watched Heartstopper with my mom, she went to bed, so here i am. Writing my entry.

I thought of many things today. On how a couple of my guy friends got in trouble at school today. How my ex walked next to me for a bit and none of us uttered a word. Who I should date. If i should date anyone at all. How much I ate. If my music taste is getting boring. How long my friend will be grounded for. What birthday gifts to get for some of my friends. My friend's birthday that was today. I also thought about how weird deja vu is for me, and if what I feel is something entirely different.

Today I wanted a long hug, a pillow and blanket, coziness, something sweet, a cute relationship, and some peach iced tea.

Song Lyric of the day: "I'm really glad you think I'm so funny, I don't think I'm ever going to let you leave." Treehouse by Alex G

Song of the day: Just Impolite by Plushgun

No particular reason, I just really like the song.

Being "touch starved" makes me feel so entitled sometimes. Is it weird that sometimes all I want is someone to lay with, someone to hug until I fall asleep, and someone who wants to hold me? Is it a sign of mental regression? (Serious question)

I'm getting to the point where I can barely keep my eyes open. So, I know this is an abrupt ending for my first entry, but i'm about to pass out. So, goodnight. I might write more tomorrow. Who knows?