Who Am I? - Criminal Minds

Chapter Sixteen

Thanks for being patient with my slow updates, guys. They might be even slower now. Tax season has started, and my mom is an accountant, so she's constantly on the computer.

It's silent for a long time while we just stare at each other, waiting for the other to do or say something.

 "I'm not the only one with an interesting past, right, John?" Now it's my turn to enjoy teasing him. I finally have the upper hand. And I'm enjoying every second of it.

He raises his chin slightly. "You think you know me? You know nothing about me."

"I did. But I remembered, Daley." It feels so good to say that. I remembered.

He clenches his jaw. "What do you remember, Spencer?"

I hold his gaze. "Everything."

His response is silence.

"I guess you're a bit deaf. I asked how Carol is doing."

"I don't know. Haven't talked to her recently," he says stiffly.

"You still miss her?" If I just pick at him bit by bit...

"No." The answer is blunt.

"Oh, come on. The love of your life? Of course you miss her."

"I don't," he growls.

"Ooh, did I strike a nerve there, Daley?" I smirk.

"Don't I get a lawyer or something?" he quickly changes the subject.

"Not until you tell us where the other bodies are."

"Oh, um, let's see...there are no other bodies." Now he's the one smirking again.

I stare at him, blinking silently, before I get up and I walk out of the room.

The team is in the observation room, and when I walk in, they're all speechless, staring at me, jaws gaping. I awkwardly pick up my messenger bag and give a nervous smile.

"You remember?" Emily breathes.

"Not exactly...I only remember what happened with Daley. Nothing else..." I trail off as I see their crestfallen expressions.

"I'm so sorry," Garcia whispers.

I look at her in confusion. "For what?"

"That you only remember..."

I shape my mouth in a small 'o' shape, but no sound comes out.

"At least he's starting to remember, though, right?" JJ says hopefully with a sad smile.

We all just look at each other for a few minutes, exchanging glances of different emotions.

I glance at Daley through the mirror. I still feel there needs to be justice here. I search my memory desperately.

Suddenly, a flashback runs through my mind. From when I was blacking in and out of consciousness before he dumped me in a ditch. He was dragging me into his car. I strain to see what the building he held me captive in looks like.

It appears to be some sort of garage or a small warehouse. I'm not sure. There's nothing else around it except trees. It's in complete isolation.

I remember what it looks like. Now, if I could only find out where it is.

~~~~~ . : . ~~~~~

"I know where that is!" LaRoe exclaims after I describe the building and surroundings to him. He spent his whole life here and knows the terrain well.

"Could you take us to it?" Hotch asks him.

"Sure. It's a warehouse, but it was abandoned a few years ago. And judging by your description of the inside, Daley's made some renovations," he mumbles as we file out the door.

It takes a while to arrive to our destination, giving me plenty of time to think. Thoughts of different emotions race through my head: guilt, fear, and anger.

"That's it," LaRoe says as we pull up to the warehouse.

"Reid, are you sure you're ready for this?" Hotch asks sympathetically.

I nod. 

Once inside, I walk around silently, numb. Through a door, I see a room similar to one I was in. There must be quite a few torture rooms.

Entering yet another torture room, I'm surprised of what I find inside. "Guys, there's a body in here!" I yell. I race over to it. I'm even more surprised to find that it's still warm. "And she's got a pulse!"

The team races inside to investigate, while LaRoe demands an ambulance immediately.

Her breathing is rough; she's been hanging on to dear life for days. I'm amazed she's alive. Blood cakes her skin everywhere; there are deep gashes in her stomach and lots of bruises around her neck. Looks like she didn't die as Daley planned.

Her eyes flutter open in confusion from all the noise. Our eyes lock. Hers are filled terror and grief. Mine show sympathy and understanding. I know what she went through, and somehow, I know she knows, too.

"I won't let you die," I whisper.

Her eyes close slowly. But strangely, it's not from giving up, it's from trust.

The ambulance arrives and the EMT's rush her to a hospital.

There's only one door I didn't enter. One door I avoided. But I open it anyway, and walk inside. This is where Daley kept me.

I see the chair, with my handcuffs dangling from the arms. Signs of a struggle are carved in the arms from the handcuffs. I see the metal bat, tossed on the floor carelessly. But mostly, I see the huge blood stains on the floor and chair.

The rush of emotions hit me again. Unlike before, when they were all balanced evenly, two emotions stand out more than the others: fury and depression.

"Spence..." JJ breathes behind me. I turn around to see tears in her eyes.

Morgan, Hotch, Rossi, and Emily try not to show anything, but I can see the hurt and anger. A tear slips down Garcia's cheek.

I turn back around. All my memories take place here, and none of them are good.

I didn't want the team to see this. It's almost as though I don't want them to know any of this ever happened. Just pretend it never happened. Maybe because I want to pretend this never happened.

But no matter what I do, say, or think, I will never be able to erase this from my memory. The one thing I remember, I wish I don't.

Suddenly, despite my fighting, tears fall out of my eyes. For the first time in my life, I openly cry in front of others.