Accidental [ Part 2 ][ BoyxBoy]

Chapter Four

EXCUSE ANY SPELLING ERRORS AND ENJOY THIS CHAPTER

BTW, ITS MY BIRTHDAY ! :)

-raquel-

I wasn't in the mood for anything, really. I wasn't in the mood to sit and laugh and talk with India like I wasn't about to literally have a break down. My phone had vibrated and when I had pulled it out of my pocket, the message I read from Dante stung me. I mean, yeah we argued from time to time and it bothered me that he didn't trust me. I wanted him to trust me because I didn't do anything wrong and because I trusted him. But despite the fact that he was a little insecure, I never wanted to break up.

I needed to get him to see how much he meant to me. Couldn't he see that India was beautiful, smart, thick, and my type of girl, but that I didn't want her? I would over look her any day if it meant that I got to keep Dante. Why couldn't he see that?

It was like every little thing that happened got turned on me which wasn't fair but I would deal with it if it meant being with him. I had proved that, shit.

And now we weren't even together anymore. After how hard I tried to keep us together and do right by him and over look his insecurities.

Dante had to know how much he meant to me. He was my heart, my soul, my smile. If there was ever a reason for me to better myself, it would be him.

But he probably didn't see that, he couldn't understand.

I knew he had had a hard life. I had sat down with him on multiple occasions, trying to get him to open up about shit and let his feelings out but he never really did. Shit, maybe it wasn't just me. Maybe he just had trust issues with everybody about everything.

Because from the beginning he never wanted to open up about his life. He didn't trust me with his story, so why would he trust me with something so precious as his heart?

I would admit, maybe in the beginning I gave him a bit of a reason to be skeptical about me but as soon as I asked him to be my boyfriend I had gave all of that up.

I told him I wouldn't cheat and that I wouldn't lie over and over and over again.

I tapped the tip of my cell phone on the table. Maybe it was my fault. I could have been more supportive, paid more attention to his needs. Did I neglect anything? Maybe if we would've had less sex and talked more.

I was blaming mysef for the situation, I couldn't help it.

He had probbly had trust issues from the very beginning but I was sure I could have done more to put them at ease.

So now what, I asked myself as I took a sip of my drink, how do I get him to see that I love him and would do anything to keep him?

"- always the hardest," India continued to ramble on, not noticing how quiet I was. " especilly if you pick the english class with Mr.Brons. He will work you half to death, I swear! I actually had to switch out of his class my-"

I drowned her out with more thoughts, reading the text again and again until my eyes burned.

What could I do?

Just reading that simple text made me rethink the little things I had said.

I could still remember the look in hi eyes when I had first wrapped my arms around him, first confessed my love to him, the first time I had taught him how to play ball, and kissed him. I remembered everything, but what I truly couldn't remember was if I had said something wrong.

The person who I really needed to talk to was Raven. I hadn't vented to her in a whil and I was in real need of my sister, my bestfriend.

" Raquel?" India rolled her eyes at me. " have you ben listening to me?"

I shrugged and pulled my walletout on the table, dropping a few bills down for my food, I stood up. " ill catch you later, aight?"

I didn't wait around for a response, and by the time I hit the front door I already had my phone pressed against my ear listening to it ring.

" mom isn't here." Raven said once she answered.

I chuckled. " that's not why I called."

" well, Dante isn't here either." She spat out once again."

" I know, that's also not why I called."

" hmph." She paused. I could just imagine the thoughtful look on her face. " what did you call for then?"

" to talk to my bestfriend."

" Trey isn't here either! Jesus, he left for up there today. You know, I don't believe you! You don't see me for two days and-"

I laughed hysterically down the phone. " I was talking about you, silly!"

" oh, well in that case, what's up?"

" nothing, too much."

"Uh-oh. I know that voice. What did you do?"

I sighed. The mood changed from playfully to sad in a matter of seconds. " Dante broke up with me."

" what?" She shreiked. " why ?"

I sat down on a bench out in front of the diner and dropped my head. " see, there's this girl named India-"

And I told her, everything. There wasn't a secret that I wanted to keep from her, especially not when I needed her bluntness. I needed her to be real.

So I told her about Dante alway being skeptical of me, about how I met India, about how he was accusing me of cheating without really even accusing me at all, and about how I thought I was bisexual. I put it all on the table, I needed her opinion.

" you wanna know what I think, Rocky?" She asked slowly. " I think that you're using India as an excuse to not face the facts. You're gay."

" that's what I thought in the beginning too, but India, she's so damn -" I paused, at a loss for words.

" pretty?"

" yes! And when I'm around her I feel this sexual tension."

" maybe you think you feel something that's not even really there, maybe you're in denial because maybe - and thi is only m opinion- but maybe you want to be the old you so bad that you're tricking yourself into believing something that's not true. Sweetheart, if real love scares you, then just say it, because that's what you and Dante have- Real Love." She paused for a second. " and yes, Dante does have his issues, and he doesn't trust you because he's scared too. I can't tell you why he's scared because its not my place to say but, trusting you isn't easy for him."

My frustration level was building, the more I thought about the knowledge he was spittin' to me, the more my head became jumbled up and the more I tried to throw up brick walls to keep what she was saying from realing hittin' home.

" so, what am I supposed to do?"

" nothing, big brother. That's the beauty of love. You'll come back to eachother- he will realize that he had no reason not to trust you and you'll realize that you ant run from the love you two have."

" what you know about love, Raven? You too young." I said jokingly, but I wasn't even sure if I brought the laugh that rumbled out of my chest and hit my ears.

" a lot more than you think, big brother."

I took my time getting back to the dorms because I knew when I arrived that I would have to face Dante. I was running through all the different scenarios and ways it could go inside my head but none of them seemed logical to me, really.

I had to show my ID at the door again whic pissed me off.

When I got to my room I was anxious. And when I opened the door, to not see Dante- or anybod for that matter- I wasn't sure what to feel.

Where was he, I wanted t know.

But I didn't allow myself to dwell on it too long. He was probably on his way back home. In a few hours I would call Raven and see what was up.

For now though, it sounded like a good idea to dive face irst into my covers and fall asleep.

I had forgotten all about the party that was sure to start up in a few hours.