"You are late" Lando greets me after opening up the door of his apartment for me. Just as Sophie said yesterday after the race, I would be the responsible press officer for this mornings interview. "Don't tell Sophie." I squeeze past him into the hallway not without subtly breathing in his scent. God, how I missed this. Walking past a mirror on the wall I risk a look. My hair is up in a messy bun and I look everything but a well put together Communication Manager of a formula one team. With just in leggings, a white tanktop, an orange blazer in one hand and in the other the bag with all the items needed I look rather messy. When I see that all the shoes in the entrance area are placed needly on the side I swift my sandals off my feet and rush straight down the hallway where I hope his living room is. "I fucking slept in, sorry for that. We have 15 minutes to be exact till air and 5 till we have to enter the call, alright?" "You don't have to tell me that" he mumbles and follows me. There is a tone swinging in his voice that I dislike but for both of our sakes I chose to ignore it. No time should be waisted with arguing and no nerves as well. I freeze when entering the living room. My eyes immediately falls on the couch in the corner of the room. Of course I have seen his twitch stream with Luisinha building the Lego McLaren. I was laying in my bed literally balling my eyes out not being able to except reality. Why I did it to myself? Maybe to finally realizing I should move on. But I clearly failed. There is no way in hell I could and standing here in his apartment behaving like this proves the point. "So Ehm" I mumble looking around trying to get my shot together. "Do you want to do it in here?"
Exhausted and relieved that the interview is finally over I let all the tension out of my body. The whole time I stood close carefully observing every move of his muscle and the ones of the hosts and the producers on the screen in front of me. When we joined the call it was rather easy switching something in my brain and entering full work mode. But right now I am just exhausted so I let my body sink down on the soft fabric in the middle of his livingroom. I flew back to Monaco yesterday night and when I was in my bed it was already past midnight. And the high of the day kept me up quite long but when I finally found the sleep it was definitely not enough after such an exhausting weekend. His carpet feels fluffy and very comfortable under my fingertips, while I just lay there with my eyes closed, breathing in and out. And in and out. A little break is all I need and I also can't wait to be back in my apartment for a nap. It's been a struggle this morning for sure but somehow I managed it all and it went well, so Sophie would be pleased with the report I will hand in later on. I sight reminded of the bloody report. God knows when I will be able to do that. Probably in class later. Shit, I totally forgot about that. Suddenly air swifts over my face reminding me where I am and when I turn my head to look at what caused it my heart starts to speed up. The stress about the upcoming events of today are non-existing any longer. Lando laid down next to me with his eyes focused on the ceiling. His hands rest easy on his stomach while he is calmly breathing. In and out. "Are you alright?" he whispers with such soft and gentle voice that it's more a whisper. There is not much space between us. It's weird even noticing it but that's the reality now. Everything needs to be handled with a lot of awareness for the situation we are in. Being in his house laying on his floor with him so close is actually pure torture but a good practice session since we will work a lot closer in the future. "I am exhausted" I whisper not able to look away from his perfect shaped lips. The price I would pay right now to kiss him is something impossible to put into words. If he would choose to bridge the space between our bodies I couldn't and wouldn't hold back. I can only do so little to control me and my actions but not his on top of that. Every little nerve of my heart and body is magnified by him. "Didn't you sleep alright?" it's odd not seeing his smile dancing around his lips. Normally he would've jumped on every opportunity to pull a joke or mock me but right now, when Noone is around, he suddenly is so serious. He doesn't have to impress anyone with his humor or feels the pressure of being the perfect role model with his cheeky attitude. I enjoy his presence like this the most. It's just him, his pure character. Very direct but caring at the same time. "Haven't in a while" I mumble and turn my head back so I look at the ceiling. "Since December actually." I add very carefully. Noticeably his breath stops for a moment as he immediately get the point what I am referring to. I am aware of what door I just opened wide and let in the pain once again in a moment where we actually seemed OK. But how could I let it go? Telling each other the truth always was something we promised each other some time ago. And I will do exactly that as long and as often as I can even when it's scary opening up again. Maybe he made a mistake back then - no I am actually sure he did. And I really want him to recognize it. There are all the signs in the world. Our exchanges of looks. The fact he got that podium when I was firstly assigned to his team. Even when working together it's effortless in the way we communicate. Without words we understand each other's moves and thoughts. Just when it gets personal between us to the flow is broken and our conversations are dominated by pain and grudges. But sometimes the old flame somehow breaks through all the wall of pain and love sparks up again. In these moments it's the hardest. And to my dislike it happens so often that I even lost count. But one is stuck in my mind the deepest. The night in Bahrain when we were high on emotions and everything was so raw. It was the best evidence that we are captured in this mess and there is simply no way out. And I am also to blame for this mess. I refuse to let go of my fantasy. "May I ask you something?" Lando interrupts my train of thoughts. I simply hum to give him a positive signal to keep going. I know I opened the door for what's coming. And if I would try to shut it close he would step a foot in it to stop me doing so. So it's fair to say that I will try to keep it open as long as I can bare. "Why did you join McLaren? You could've been in a Championship winning team with RedBull." I smirk. Not really a topic I expected. It's been over a month since I joined the team and he never asked that. It surely was just a matter of time. And I got confronted with it by others as well. But I would've been a fool to tell them the truth. "I could ask you the same thing, no? You had the same chance." The ceiling is surprisingly spotless as my eager eyes keep on scanning every inch of it. "I asked first" There is a little smirk swinging in his voice, which gives it his typical Lando charm. He was right. It's just fair to go first as I entered his world in some way with this desicion. "The team has such great history and an even brighter future. There was a connection that wasn't there with RedBull. I also owe Andreas and Zak in some twisted way. Daniel is here too. Who wouldn't love to work with such a bright mind." I stop for a brief moment trying to structure the next part of my answer. Because it's actually the point he want affirmation of. "And you have been also a factor, Lando. I wanted you to see me every single weekend, every time when you do the thing you love most you should be confronted with me. As the biggest mistake you ever made. I wanted you to be as hurt as I am. Day in and out. That wouldn't be possible in any other team." It scares me how brutally honest I can still be with him. Bitter, I sound so bitter. But saying it out loud, cleans the dirty air a little."Do you regret it?" this time something else swings in his voice. Tears. I don't need to look over to him to see them running down to both sides of his face. "No. I see what I hoped for. It helps. But I also start to believe that I have a chance in working longterm after my studies in the industry. I want to make a name for myself and they start to trust me. Feels good. And maybe I will also be ready someday for your girlfriend being around all weekend." The last one should've been more of a joke, but it is a rather bad one. No laughing from any of us proves it."I promise you she will not be there until you are ready.", he whispers. "Even if it takes the whole season?" I look over to him. It will take longer than that. I am aware of that but I shouldn't sabotage his offer. Lando tries to be considered of my situation and I understand that. Coming to neutral grounds is not easy when the air had been so poisend by anger, hate, pain and lies. He also rolls his head in my direction matching my eyes. "Even if it takes decades." "I wouldn't ask that of you" I try to give him a reassuring smile as I very much appreciate his words but instead the tears now start dropping down. "You don't have to. I owe you." He actually is right. He owes me a lot. The shit he pulled me through, how he blindsided and humiliated me is unforgivable. "Can I ask you something?" I whisper and he nods while rushing over his eyes. "Are you mad at me for joining McLaren?" He sights. "I was. It hurts having you around. I was scared not being able to concentrate as much. But then I see how great you are. Your values are pure. As a driver I know I can rely on your judgment." I hoped for him to feel that way. It's all that a press officer wants. Making their life easier and positioning them well in the media is the job and goal. While we stare in each other eyes my tummy makes weird sounds craving for food. Lando starts smirking and I close my eyes in embarrassment. "Sorry" I mumble and swipe away the tears away from under my eyes. "I will make you some food." he says and starts getting up. When I lay my eyes on him again he also wipes over his face. The conversation didn't leave him untouched and I am relieved about. This gives me confidence that we could really form a good relationship with compassion and consideration for each other's feelings as well as personal barriers. He sights as he pulls himself up. "What would you like?" I try to recover from the intense moment we have and look at my phone. Class starts quiet soon. "Don't worry about it. I should probably get ready for class, I will grab something on the way." I rush through my hair and yawn. "When was the last time you ate?" "Yesterday." He rises his eyebrow. "Yeah nah cmon you need food." he holds out his hand. After I take it he pulls me up. "Don't have that much time to wait for the order. I should really crack on." "I won't order." his voice is high pitched as he is clearly offended. "You never cook Lando" I smirk and try to brush my wild hair with my fingers. "Well I will now. Baked beans on toast with bit of scrambled eggs?" he smirks. I check my clock and sight. It would be really tight getting back to my flat grabbing my car and drive to the uni. "Can you drive me to class afterwards?" "Yeah sure. Go on now" he guides me through his flat till we find ourselves in the kitchen. Not an environment where I've seen him very often in the past. Either his diet coach preps his food or he orders. The only thing I've seen him cook was guacamole and I am not sure if that counts. I lean against the counter while he open up the fridge. "Make yourself useful and grab the beans from up there, will you?" he jokes and I follow his instructions.
"All set?" I check once again my bag if I have all my stuff with me. The McLaren driver kindly enough gave me a waterbottle as well as a couple of protein snacks for the time in class. I let out a sight of relief. They're all in there. "Yeah let's go" Lando already stands with the car keys in his hand in the door holding it wide open for me. After the lovely British breakfast he quickly changed from his McLaren work wear to a simple white shirt. My white top on the other hand is now stained with a bit of baked beans sauce. I try my best by covering it up with my blazer but that just helps at the first glance. Another closer look and everybody would see the result of my inability to eat. A little smirk dances around my lips when remembering the loud laughter that put tears in Landos eyes earlier. He is always so full of malicious joy in situations like these. "Thanks" I smile when leaving the apartment and entering the hallway of his apartment building. Now it's the first time I am really able to take it in. This morning I was just so stressed to get here in time but now I am impressed. "Jesus, this is a posh place mate" I gasp breathless and take out my phone. Sue wouldn't believe me how golden this place is when I wouldn't have prove. I raise the camera to take a photo of the hallway. Instead Lando, who walked a couple of steps ahead, turns around and is just being silly. I laugh out loud as he poses for the camera. It's a miracle that I am able to make a clear photo since I was shaking so much. I can't help myself but feel grateful for this moment. I know that life won't always be this easy, but right now, I'm just happy to be with Lando, enjoying the simple things in life. There was a time I couldn't even stand next to him without having a panic attack or tears in my eyes. It's actually wild how far we come and how open we are able to communicate. Yes, we still hurt each other but we work through it. And being able to share a laugh and an effortless moment is pure gold for us. "Show me" he laughs and stops walking so I could catch up with him. "You can find it in my insta story" I smirk and type something on the screen before posting it. With eager eyes I follow Landos movement as he takes out his phone and unlocks it. He can't hide the smirk as he turns around "McLarens Troublemaker." he shakes his head. "Really?" "Am I wrong?" I let the phone slide back in my pocket and catch up with him. "Not really" he laughs and we walk together to the garage. It's filled with luxurious cars from top to bottom it's actually mental. And I can just imagine which beauty will chose today for our little ride. "No" I shake my head as he points to a car. "Why not?" he grins. "What is that even? Is this legal?" I laugh about the tiny car that fills not even half the space of the parking space. It's honestly the smallest thing I've ever seen. The color is very pretty but I am getting claustrophobic just by looking at it. "It's my Fiat Jolly. It's so much fun and the weather is perfect for it." he grins and walks to the passenger door to hold it open for me after unlocking it. "Not exactly unobtrusive Lando" All the looks of the town the traffic and the ones of my fellow students would be glued on us when we arrive with this one. Dropping in the car park with a Ferrari or Lamborghini would be far less obvious that someone known would be in there - at least here in Monaco where everyone is somehow known. But with this driving can the posts and blog article are more then certain. "Cmon it's so much fun. Please for once just don't care about the others and do something fun" he tries persuade me. Knowing I wouldn't be successful in talking sense into him I give up and let me glide in the seat. It's so low I am afraid my bottom would touch the ground. Every bounce will be surely painful. "Let's go" Lando drops into the seat next to me with a wide grin. We both put sunglasses on the tip of our nose and grin at each other. He turns the key and the engine roars loudly. The whole car vibrates and it's such a weird feeling I desperately hold on to the door handle. "Yeah baby" he laughs like a little child in a candy story. I just hope I won't regret it. All I want now is to arrive safely at the uni for my class. If we are on time it would be actually a big plus but considering the circumstances this is actually not my priority any longer. I look over to Lando who carefully drives out of the car space. The bright smile on his face fills my heart with warmth and so much sunshine I can't hide my smile anymore. It does so much good for my mind, soul and body.
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YOU ARE READING
Homesick.
FanfictionAnna Winter is part of Formula One now. But not under the circumstances she had hoped and dreamed for. Being challenged every day and confronted by the men who broke her heart, changed her. But somewhere deep down she continues to believe in the goo...
