Matchmakers

Reconciliation [Part One]

                          POV TYPE

Just after Tharn left in a fury that I realize the magnitude of this.

This is not the first time Tharn and I have had a fight. There was a time when that was all we did.

It was mostly my fault: I couldn't stand the idea of living with a gay man so I did everything I could to get him to move out.
But that's without counting on Tharn, who was not the type to let himself be bullied and of course had pride.

At first we were just yelling at each other, but as time went on and Tharn made efforts to make him realize that not all gays were like the bastard who abused him as a child;
we became friends.

Through our time together I got to know him and I must admit that I admire him very much. I also like his kindness, his almost contagious smile and even his sometimes childish attitude.

I realized the funny effect he had on me: I wanted to smile when I saw him, my heart was beating wildly when he smiled at me, I had shivers in my whole body when I heard his voice...

All these signs scared me so I put my head in the sand.
It's one thing to tolerate same sex couples but it's another thing for me, a guy, to be attracted to another guy.

So to try to convince myself that I wasn't turning gay, I first thought about dating a girl, I'm pretty good looking and girls like me so why not go out and have some fun instead of driving myself crazy with all my doubts-which may be completely unfounded-about my sexual orientation.

When I think of the satisfied smile I had at that thought, a wry smile takes place on my lips.

One night, Tharn asked me out to a bar and I found out later that that's where he works, Tharn had to do a set-up with his band before they started playing so he left me alone with the bar owner P'Jeed who kept smiling at me, it was a little embarrassing.

I was surprised, in normal circumstances I would not have been ashamed to tell her off in a not very polite way, but I took it upon myself to do so because she was Tharn's boss and I did not want him to get into trouble because of me.

She eventually slipped away to take care of other customers to my great relief, and this is the first time she saw Prem.

Yet everything was going pretty well, I had managed to attract a rather pretty girl without making too much effort as she was the one who approached me.

It seems that she is a fan and that she often came to see me during the soccer trainings.

But the more I talked to her, the more I was bored, she didn't have the same sense of repartee as Tharn.

And here I was thinking about Tharn again, while the purpose of all this is to get him out of my head and to prove to myself that I'm not attracted to men, but yes I am still attracted to women.

A completely false smile on my lips I tried with all my strength to make this 'discussion' as pleasant as possible and surely encouraged Prem took the initiative to take my hand.

I tried with all my might to suppress the flinch I felt at his gesture but I held on.
However, even in the deep denial in which I was trying to sink, I could not hide the panic I felt when I saw her leaning towards me with the intention of kissing me.

Luckily for me, Tharn's band started to play and took the opportunity to escape the kiss and she was such a fan of the band that she forgot about kissing me.

Seeing Tharn on stage, in his element, was breathtaking.

There was only him, the world had stopped, his gaze was in mine, I could not deny the evidence.
Tharn was under my skin and no matter how hard I tried, I could not get away from him.