carry on

seven

"3....2....1.... Happy New Year!!" Everyone scream at twelve o'clock. It was officially 2018. I pull Harry in for a New year's kiss, he isn't expecting it and neither am I. I just do it out of habit. But the kiss lasts longer than I intended to, I feel every inch of my body wanting him, craving him. I only let go of him when I need to catch my breath, then I pretend as if nothing happened. Harry does too. John isn't awake when the new year swept in on us. He fell asleep in my mums bed, he convinced us to sleep there tonight. So we let him.

At 1am everyone is back in their beds yet again. We leave tomorrow at noon, going home to our place with so much tension going on. I turn and turn in bed, not being able to fall asleep but I hear Harry snore loudly on the other side of the room. I keep thinking of that kiss. My body needs him. Everything itches by the thought of wanting him but not having him. I feel myself getting hard without a touch from him. I leave the bed, walking slowly to him. "Harry?" I whisper. No reaction. Fuck I need you. I think. I place a kiss on his hand, making him wake up. "Louis? What are you? Oh-" He stops talking as I crawl under the bed sheets with him, I place a kiss underneath his t-shirt. "Why are you-" He continues, I place my hand inside his boxers. "Fuck... Louis, I- um keep going" so I do, I jerk him off till he's on the verge of cumming. Having one of my hands placed over his mouth, muffling his moans to not wake everyone up. I feel myself getting harder by the minute and I press myself into him, he moans louder, he immediately takes a pillow over his face to muffle his sounds even more. As I thrust myself in and out of him I keep jerking him off till we both cum together, leaving me laying on top of him, both covered in our own semen. I am out of breath and he is too.

"I think we will be okay." I eventually say after catching my breath. We both fall asleep, unbothered to clean up our horny mess.

The next morning we take turns in the shower, not seeming to suspicious of last nights event. I went down to breakfast first, everyone slept in since we were up so late last night. I went to help my mum finish setting the table. "Morning mum" I smile. "Good morning Louis. Do you gave to leave today? I'll miss you." She complains and gives me a hug. "You should come visit some time then. I promise you it's fine, you can come for a weekend or so" I suggest and she agrees to come a weekend in the future.

The ride home is not filled with tension anymore, not as much as the ride to Donny at least. John is occupied yet again with the Ipad and Harry is focused on the road. I don't like driving far distances but Harry quite enjoys it, no idea why though.

"T'was fun meeting everyone again, feels like ages ago." Harry says, breaking the silence. He glances at me quickly and smiles lightly. "Yeah, definitely." I agree. Silence, yet again. Not a bad silence but just silence, the only sound coming from the cars motor and Johns Ipad. I look back onto my phone, reading some news before heading onto Instagram to see everyone's new years photos and videos. The same every year; new years kisses, fireworks, drunk parties. Always the same.

"Lou, your mum talked to me the other day." Harry says. Not knowing what he means I joke: "Wow how nice of her to have a chat with her son in law! Shocking." Harry snorts, realising what he told me might not be as clear as he thinks it was. "No like she had a pretty serious conversation with me, about something you told her."

Oh... That... I gulp, not knowing if this was a good or bad thing. I put my phone back in my pocket to focus on this conversation. "She said you're not feeling well and she's worried about us. Did you talk to her about... you know.. that.." he asks, I hear he's nervous about asking me this, not knowing what I told my mother. Him and my mum have a very good relationship but she would drop him in a second if he hurt me. "No, Haz, it's fine I didn't tell her. I just said that something happened and I don't know how to forgive you." I tell, and this time I tell the truth.

"Don't you?" He asks, fixating his eyes on the road, not wanting to be distracted by our conversation. "Don't I what?" I ask, confused once again. "Don't you know how to forgive me?" He asks, but this time very quietly. I barely heard him. I take a glance at him and realise his eyes are sad. Not in a crying way but just very very sad eyes, it looks like someone pulled out all of his energy and he's about to burst at any minute now. "Stop the car." I demand. Harry, obviously confused asks "what?". I repeat what I said and he stops the car on the side of the road.

"Louis! Are you out of your mind? We're on the high way for christs sake!" He exclaims. We both get out of the car. "I'll drive" I say. He shakes his head. Not understanding why. I walk over to his side of the car and climbs into the seat. "Are you kidding?" He asks, a little bit irritated. This time I shake my head, he gets in the passenger seat and we are on our way again. I saw in his eyes how he was about to completely breakdown so I would not let him drive at all, but I can't tell him that.

Back home we had dinner and put John to sleep. Leaving me and Harry to cuddle in the sofa. We put on some random tv and just watch. Harry plays with my hair as I lie on his chest, I feel safe. "Louis?"

"Yes, love?"

"Can you forgive me?" He asks mildly, his voice still quiet.

"I don't know..." I say, knowing that is the truth. I look at him and notice again how his eyes look different. "Haz, baby, are you okay?" I ask, putting my hand on his cheek. He shakes his head and I pull him in for a hug. This time he doesn't cry. He doesn't make a sound. Neither of us do. We just sit and hold each other for what feels like a lifetime.